So dinner, drink, movie, that's really what we're doing tonight?
LoganI don't understand why you won't just believe me. I'm tired, I just want a mellow evening with my girlfriend.
Last time you were mellow you had a hundred and four temperature and even then, we were bar-hopping for an hour before you fainted.
Logan
I didn't faint, I passed out. Drink, dinner, movie, that's it.
[he kisses her and they round the corner and stop in front of a door. It opens in front of them and all their friends are there, dressed in prison stripes]
FFriends
[singing] For she's a jolly good felon, for she's a jolly good felon. For she's a jolly good felon! Which nobody can deny!
Logan
After the party, that is!
I'm so sorry to bother you, Rory - hello, Logan!
Logan
Hello, Emily.
Rory, could you check your closet? The maid hung up your dry cleaning today, and I am missing a blouse and I want to know whether or not to add this to the list of reasons I'm firing her.
Of course, I'll be right back. [She heads into the bedroom.]
Thank you, Rory. I'm so exhausted with incompetent people, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like every person I hire immediately gets hit in the head with a mallet on the way out of the employment office!
Logan
Well, there they are, the two most lovely ladies in the room.
Emily [glares]: Hello, Logan. [To Rory] I have to check on your cake. [She leaves.]
Logan
Huh. Is it me, or could the penguins march through here?
She's probably mad because she found out we're having sex.
Logan
She what?
Rory [shrugs]: She found out we're having sex.
Logan
How the hell'd she find that out?
Rory [sweetly]: I told her minister.
Logan
But - but, why would you do that?
Because - he was going on and on about my virtue being a gift, and now you have it, so I'm going to have to buy the next guy a sweater! I just wanted him to stop.
Logan
And all this without a drink in my hand.
Come on, let's get you a Rory.
Logan
Ah. Dealing with this family is stressful.
Oh, tell me about it. And once you've had that drink, I can tell you how I've been moved out of the pool house and into a room right next to my grandparents. So from now on, we'll have to have sex in our invisible suits. [Logan's head falls.] Two Rorys, please.
Logan
Does your grandfather know also?
Logan [to the bartender]: Make it four.
FSFolk Singer
[singing] Met her on the mountain -
Cool, the girl on girl thing.
FSFolk Singer
[singing] Where I took her life -
FSFolk Singer
[singing] Met her on the mountain -
[disappointed] A redundant lesbian snuff film.
FSFolk Singer
[singing] Stabbed her with a knife.
How INXS missed her, I don't know.
Logan
Raise a glass to INXS.
My countrymen, I'm less than proud to say.
Logan
Oh. You penned the great American novel, Jess?
Wasn't quite that ambitious.
Logan
So what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length, or longer. Dos Passos? Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?
You seem very obsessed with length.
Logan
You're not gonna believe this. Over the music, the crowd, I hear one girl's voice cutting through all the folk singers, she's in the corner with her boyfriend, sent them all a round of drinks, I mean, what the hell? [offhand] He gone?
Logan
Writers. They're so sensitive.
Logan
I was just challenging him, geez! Hey, if Hemingway could take it, so can he! Hey, if he wanted to, he could have taken a pop at me, pugnacity! It's a vital component of literary life, again, consult your Hemingway. Come on, do not let this guy get to you.
Logan
Me?
Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book and you mocked him!
Logan
I did not mock him!
Logan
Good, fine, he's doing something, everybody in the world is doing something, more power to him.
I'm not! I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents-
Logan
That's temporary, have a drink.
'Temporary' can turn into 'forever'.
Logan
You're not living with the Gilmores forever.
I'm palling with my grandmother, I'm being waited on by a maid, I come home and my shoes are magically shined, my clothes are magically cleaned, ironed and laid out! My bed is magically turned down! I'm in the DAR! I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?!
Logan
Again, temporary, have a drink.
I'm wasting my time, partying and drinking, just 'hanging out' doing nothing-!
Logan
Woah, woah, woah, don't pull me into this!
I didn't say anything about you.
Logan
Yes, you did, don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying, that's your choice, I'm not forcing you, when I ask you out, you can say no!
Logan
It's not 'all we do'!
Logan
[aggressive] It's my prerogative, you know? You're damn straight, I'm gonna party, I'm gonna do it while I have the chance, because come June, my life is over!
[sarcastically] Oh! Yes! Your horrible life, let's hear about it!
Logan
Got a week?
You have every door open to you! You have opportunities that ANYONE would kill for, including me!
Logan
No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen! Go into journalism, go into politics, be a doctor, be a clown, do whatever you want!
It's not as easy when it's not HANDED to you!
Logan
Really? It's all so easy for me? I don't WANT that life! It's FORCED on me! You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is ONE door, and I'm being pushed through it! I have NO choice, you try living without options!
How hard are you fighting it?!
Logan
[infuriated] I didn't tell you to quit Yale! You did that! I gave you one month, you went beyond a month, it had nothing to do with me, it was all you! Now, you wanna change, change it, but don't blame me, don't you dare blame me!
Logan
I miss her, okay? I made a mistake and I'm trying to rectify it but nothing is working. She won't talk to me.
Logan
No. I'm doing everything I can. Flowers, gifts...
All your old standbys, huh?
Logan
Books, coffee cart...I'm trying to show her how I feel.
And it sounds like she's trying to show you how she feels.
Logan
Look. I figured this was a suicide mission, okay? It's probably something you and Rory will laugh about for years to come. But I'm not giving up until I exhaust all my options and asking for your help is one of them.
Logan
Yes.
You're seriously here to ask for my help with Rory? It's not a joke?
Logan
I'm going for broke here.
Oh wow. I was like in a zen, trance. I was totally somewhere else.
Oooh I was in Greece, where were you?
When you reach a zen trance you go to Bergdoff Goodman?
To each his own. Thanks Ron, Jerry.
Logan
I didn't know the gym had masseurs.
No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service but they have missed their calling.
You got laundry guys to give you a massage?
Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore.
Logan
There you are!
Logan
I was looking all over for you! I didn't see you when I was walking down the aisle, I looked for you during the ceremony, where were you?
Logan
'Here'. You missed the wedding?
I'll apologize to Honor later.
Logan
Forget Honor, what's going on? Rory?
You didn't say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had sex with. [Logan closes his eyes] No, wait, I'm sorry. You only had sex with two and then with one of them, you just 'fooled around with', whatever that means. She spared me the exact parameters of the 'fooling around', you wanna fill me in?
Logan
Rory...
You know what, never mind, got a good imagination, I can figure it out.
Logan
Okay, look.
I can't believe it. You didn't just cheat on me, you really cheated on me!
Logan
I didn't cheat on you.
Oh, so you didn't sleep with-?
Logan
No, I did, but we were broken up.
No, you were broken up, not me, I thought we were just taking some time!
Logan
Apart, not seeing each other.
Yes: taking some time, not seeing each other for a while, that doesn't mean 'broken up'!
Logan
Oh, come on!
No! When... To break up, you have to tell the other person, you can't just decide that you're broken up and then just go off and... God, I can't believe I fell for all your stupid tricks! The coffee cart and going to my mother, you went to my mother, why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of back up, what do you need me for?!
Logan
Because I love you.
Logan
Rory, I didn't cheat on you, I didn't lie to you!
Logan
Of course not! Why would I tell you, why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry?!
Blondie, Dizzy, I loved the cover, pretending all those girls were all worthless idiots!
Logan
They are worthless idiots, shooting their mouths off in front of you like that!
Logan
It is their fault, they love doing crap like this, causing trouble!
We were only apart for, like, two seconds and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister's friends! How did you even do that, I mean, did you work them in shifts, were there charts, signals, B-12 shots?!
Logan
I was depressed. I was lonely, I was upset, I've known these girls forever, it was just companionship, okay, it meant nothing!
Gilmore Girls · 747 quotes
