Christopher Hayden quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

She's Anthony-Michael-Hall-in-Breakfast-Club smart.

Christopher

I'm very proud, and mystified...Oh it's the new nanny.

Lorelai

Oh...does Sienna know about this?

Lorelai

Eh, excuse me. Hi. Mrs. Kim? I'd like you to meet Christopher Hayden. He's Rory's father and a MAN!

Christopher

Did that really need clarification?

Lorelai

How is Gigi?

Christopher

She is, well... Hold on a sec. [holds his phone in the air] You hear that?

Lorelai

No.

Christopher

Exactly.

Lorelai

Oh, come on... It's naptime.

Christopher

Not until four, my friend.

Lorelai

Ha... Then she's holding her breath until you buy her a Porsche.

Christopher

She is in her room playing with her toys, shining her halo as we speak.

Lorelai

Well, well, well... Look who's cracking the whip.

Christopher

I gotta tell you, that "No" word is pretty awesome. I can't wait to try out the "You're grounded".

Lorelai

[in disbelief] We have to go. We have to pick up my mother. From jail.

Christopher

[laughs] Your mother's in jail?

Lorelai

Ohhhh, this night keeps getting better and better.

Lorelai

Not killing it. I'm composing on it. I'm composing a symphony. Finally an instrument I can play!

Christopher

Gimme that.

Lorelai

No. Not until you explain your choices. The View? Girlfriends? Sabado Gigante? Who controlls this thing, You? or Pedro Almodóvar?

Lorelai

Wow how Dangerous Liaisons of her. She doesn't call, or e-mail and then she sends you a letter with a wax seal that weighs roughly the same as a porterhouse?...Gosh that's a lot of "sorry."

Christopher

I don't know if its the yoga...or the yoga instructor...she's dating her yoga instructor, Jean Claude or Jean Pierre...I dunno one of those names that always sounds fake.

Lorelai

It's just no saying killer, no saying whack, no saying rockin' or pimpin' or slamming, capisce?

Christopher

Fo' shizzle.

Lorelai

There's gotta be an eject button here somehwere...

Lorelai

Parents weekend is for lame-o parents whose kids hate them so they need a school sanctioned event so they all spend some time together.

Christopher

A professor of geology is giving a tour of the Peabody Museum.

Lorelai

My kid likes me. I can go to Yale anytime I want. 51 weekends of the year is my parent's weekend.

Lorelai

The grass is just not this green. Not outside of Pleasantville it isn't.

Lorelai

Maybe they spray painted the grass when they spray painted the trees because there's autumnal foilage and then there's autumnal foilage. It's over the top people!

Christopher

Do you think they piped in this crisp fall smell?

Lorelai

Hey let's be Laverne & Shirley!

Christopher

What? No.

Lorelai

Antony and Cleopatra? F. Scott and Zelda? Zinf and del?

Christopher

I think I'll stick to my own name.

Lorelai

Señor Boring-Pants. Mr. Stick in the Mud? A-capella. A-capella. There's a terrifying number of a-capella jams this weekend.

Lorelai

Hey we're here. With bells on. And nothing else. Except leg warmers, rollerskates, and Groucho Marx's glasses...We are near a big brick building and near an old tree.

Christopher

Tell her we're by the L-shaped building that from the top looks like a Polaroid camera.

Rory

Believe it or not, I don't know what all of Yale's buildings look like from the sky.

Lorelai

Well how ignorant of you honey. -[to Christopher] Rory says that she doesn't give two figs about Yale's architecture.

Christopher

Not two figs?

Rory

No just one and a half.

Lorelai

Who wears a nametag in the middle of their chest?

Christopher

Superman

Lorelai

Superman wears an emblem

Christopher

So, this is my emblem.

Lorelai

"Hello I'm Rory Gilmore's dad, Christopher" is your emblem?

Christopher

Yeah.

Lorelai

I'm going to have to ask you to walk 15 feet in front of me.

Lorelai

I would like a cheeseburger, with a side of cheeseburger, and see if they can make me a cheeseburger smoothie.

Christopher

He didn't say so much as chortle.

Lorelai

No room service? And no mini-bar? But two toilets? Where are their priorities?

Christopher

Let me float another plan

Lorelai

Don't say float unless there's a root beer attached to it!

Lorelai

So wide awake I could watch the Ken Burns' documentary of Sadd and I wouldn't fall asleep.

Christopher

There are a 104 fleur de li's stenciled on the ceiling that's how wide awake I am.

Lorelai

I kept trying to hum Brahms' lullaby in my head but it kept morphing into Purple Rain and purple rain made me think of jam, which made me think of English muffins slathered in grape jam.

Christopher

I need an open mind. Are you giving me an open mind?

Lorelai

OK its open.

Christopher

Wide open?

Lorelai

Yea yea. Blue skies. Green grass. Vistas as far as the eyes can see.

Christopher

I want you to picture. On this wall. A waterfall. You know like one of those wall waterfalls. They're really soothing.

Lorelai

Slam.

Christopher

What's that?

Lorelai

The sound of my mind closing.