Christopher Hayden quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

After trying 10 varietals, note the use of the word varietals.

Rory

Noted.

Lorelai

Believe me you tend to believe them.

Christopher

We were drunk by the end of the tour. We bought a case.

Lorelai

Here. Try a snail.

Rory

No thanks see I had a lunch of bugs and lizards I think I'm good...Well how's it taste?

Christopher

Sorta like a buttered gummy bear.

Christopher

I look good in peach.

Lorelai

Exactly. Men who buy peach shirts buy them because they think they look good in peach which means they really thought about it which means they are obsessed with their looks!

Christopher

I am not obsessed with my looks!

Lorelai

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a peach shirt!

Christopher

Alright just leave my stuff alone!

Lorelai

Oh my God. You dirty thief.

Christopher

Excuse me?

Lorelai

You stinking, lying, sneaking, ratty, dirty thief!

Christopher

What?

Lorelai

This is my Police Synchronicity T-shirt! I have been missing this for 22 years! I asked you if you had it, I looked you right in the face and you denied it!

Christopher

I lied.

Lorelai

Oh! You lied! You lied! You know how long I looked for this? days and days and I accused my mother of throwing it out and she said she didn't and OH my God I hated her and Oh my God I coulda had the best relationship with my mother if you had not stolen my shirt!

Christopher

Look at you knitting away, just like a proper married lady: the picture of domesticity.

Lorelai

Ha ha ha.

Christopher

So what's for breakfast, Martha Stewart? Poached eggs, blueberry muffins? Oh, is there going to be fresh squeezed orange juice? Cuz I'd really appreciate it if you could strain the pulp.

Lorelai

Yeah, I got your strained pulp right here, buddy.

Christopher

So what exactly are you knitting?

Lorelai

It doesn't matter what I'm knitting, I just am knitting to knit.

Christopher

Someone's philosophical.

Lorelai

No, someone is in training for the knitathon, and we get pledged by the skein, so I'm just working on my speed.

Christopher

Knitathon?

Lorelai

Yeah, you didn't hear about the knitathon?

Christopher

No, I didn't hear about the knitathon. You want something?

Lorelai

Yeah. Poached eggs and some orange juice pulp.

Lorelai

Would you like the brown card with the cream colored detail with the parchment insert or would you like the cream colored card with the silk lining and the clear paper insert. How about I'd like some cyanide and a 30 story building to jump off of.

Christopher

We said one sugary cereal.

Lorelai

You're going to deny me the Captain?

Christopher

We've got a whole box of Froot Loops at home.

Lorelai

In my fragile state you're going to deny me Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch?

Christopher

It rips your gums.

Lorelai

In a delightful sugary way. Look it's got 5% real peanut butter flavored chemicals.

Christopher

No. [picks up a jar of pasta sauce] Which one do we get??

Lorelai

Avoid the words "made with real vegetables".

Gigi

The redcoat is here!

Christopher

Cuz I was thinking all that time in England, you might forget which side of the road to drive on.

Lorelai

Hey, don't steal my material.

Christopher

What do you mean, "your material?" You ripped me off.

Lorelai

I ripped you off? That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off Carrot Top or Woody Allen gets his material from the "whats-his-name" the guy with the watermelons.

Christopher

Ah, mistletoe.

Lorelai

Where are you going with that?

Christopher

I'm going to hang it up in the doorway.

Rory

Oh, that's not where it goes... We tape it up to one of the blades of the ceiling fan upstairs. That way the kissing is more like a sport. It's one of our traditions.

Christopher

So what does she do with the Muffin bottoms?

Lorelai

Oh, she turned them into a pie. You know she's like an Indian. They use all the parts of the Buffalo?