Emily Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

We're fondue purists, Grandma.

Lorelai

Yea we dip old school.

Emily

The government says you should have nine servings of fruits and vegetables per day.

Lorelai

Imperialist propaganda.

Rory

Noam Chomsky would agree.

Lorelai

I bet Noam doesn't dip fruit.

Emily

I'm so sorry to bother you, Rory - hello, Logan!

Logan

Hello, Emily.

Emily

Rory, could you check your closet? The maid hung up your dry cleaning today, and I am missing a blouse and I want to know whether or not to add this to the list of reasons I'm firing her.

Rory

Of course, I'll be right back. [She heads into the bedroom.]

Emily

Thank you, Rory. I'm so exhausted with incompetent people, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like every person I hire immediately gets hit in the head with a mallet on the way out of the employment office!

Lorelai

Mom?

Emily

I'm in the cockpit.

Lorelai

Oh... add that to the list of things I thought I'd never hear my mother say.

Emily

Number three?

Lorelai

Hmm?

Emily

The martini.

Lorelai

Helps settle my stomach.

Emily

Really?

Lorelai

Apparently there's a fight to the death between Richard and Emily and an evil German supercomputer.

Rory

Ooo I wanna hear.

Emily

I thought we paid four thousand dollars for a computer to give us directions, not to babysit us and make decisions for us on how to live our lives. I mean what's next? The radio won't turn on if it doesn't like the song? The engine won't turn on if the cup of coffee I'm holding is too hot? Maybe the car won't go in reverse if it doesn't like the smell of my perfume!

Richard

Well I told you not to serve spaghetti and meatballs. They always fight when you serve spaghetti and meatballs.

Lorelai

That's not true.

Rory

We fight just as much when we have Chinese food.

Emily

Can we please talk about something besides food?

Lorelai

What? Starvation? Scurvy? the Donner Party?

Emily

Plus I think he had a gun in his pocket.

Lorelai

Maybe he was just happy to see you.

Lorelai

No mom, that's not a car, that's a rap video set.

Emily

I ordered it especially because it's got the darkest windows available. They said its the car that Jay-Z uses when he's in town. I assume that's some sort of entertainer.They kept telling me it's got bulletproof windows. As if that's a selling point!

Emily

Maureen this is my daughter Lorelai. She has a headache. They tend to make her babble.

Oh I'm sorry. Would you like some aspirin?

Lorelai

Oh no thanks I'm ok. I've had the headache for 38 years.

Emily

Isn't that lovely? ...Your father and I plan to treasure it forever. We're going to have it as a keepsake, or a memento. Remember when Lorelai told us she was married?

Richard

Ah yes, and what was it exactly she said?

Emily

It was something like this: [pushes answering machine play button].

Lorelai

What about instead of La Boheme we took our inspiration from Rent? East Village. 1985. Rickety tables. Chipped glassware. [phone rings] Excuse me. Hello?

Rory

How goes the party planning?

Lorelai

What? What happened?

Rory

That good huh?

Lorelai

Is he OK?

Rory

I am not participating in this

Lorelai

Oh my God. What can I do? What do you need?

Rory

You are not using this phone call to get out of party planning hell.

Lorelai

Oh...I'll be right there.

Rory

Mom.

Emily

I can hear Rory on the other end. You are not as clever as you think you are.

Lorelai

Drat.

Rory

OK so I'll call you later? Ok?

Lorelai

The stairs are rickety, and you think you might fall down them?

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

The pool is empty and you think you might have hit your head??

Emily

I'm saying he's your husband, Lorelai, for better or for worse. I like Christopher.

Lorelai

Okay.

Emily

I think he's good for you. But it's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and God knows you're not perfect. But marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise, which is not your strong suit. It's about swallowing your pride sometimes, about doing what he wants. It's not about winning an argument, which may make you sad, because that's what you love. But I don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this seriously, it could fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. And he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee.

Lorelai

Just so you know, that young guy who's been visiting Mrs. Santiago in 236, not her son, he's her boyfriend!

Rory

No!

Emily

But he's at least 20 years younger than she is.

Lorelai

32 according to the night nurse.

Emily

What could they possibly have to talk about?

Lorelai

I don't think they're doing a lot of talking if you know what I mean..

There's no such thing as a non-alcoholic cocktail.

Emily

There most certainly is, it's called a mock-tail. I can offer you a Shirley Temple or a Roy Rogers.

Lorelai

Or how about a Howdy Doody or a Captain Kangaroo... [takes a sip of the mock-tail] Oh, that's a strong one Mom, you know I'm driving.

Rory

Tastes great.

Lorelai

You know what else tastes great? Rum.

Emily

Would you like a drink?

Lorelai

Ooooh, I thought the house was dry.

Emily

Vodka or scotch?

Lorelai

It's a regular speakeasy.