[Emily's friend "Sweetie" has just died.]
Was that her real name — "Sweetie"?
EmilyNo, her name was "Melinda". "Sweetie" was a nickname.
Emily
What do you mean, why?
I mean, how did they get "Sweetie" from "Melinda"?
Emily
They didn't get "Sweetie" from "Melinda". "Sweetie" is a nickname.
Yes, I know "Sweetie" was a nickname, but usually, a nickname comes from a version of your name, or there's a story behind the name or something.
Emily
She was sweet. That's the story.
Emily
: She had a very sweet nature.
Emily
Well, what kind of story did you want, Lorelai?
No, that's fine. She was sweet. They called her "Sweetie". It's a good story.
Emily
No, really. Exactly what kind of story about my recently departed friend would amuse you?
Mom, it's not to amuse me. It's…
Emily
All right, fine. Sweetie's father was a very poor man — so poor that Sweetie and her four siblings all had to sleep in a hollowed-out tree trunk because the house was only big enough for their parents. One winter, there was no food, so Sweetie crawled out of her trunk, wrapped her feet in newspaper, and walked forty miles in the snow to the nearest town, where she stumbled into a candy store. The owner took pity on her and gave her bags of candy, a dill pickle, and drove her back to her family. He promptly offered a job to her father, who gladly accepted and eventually owned that store and turned it into one of the most important candy emporiums in the world. And that is how she got the name "Sweetie". There, how was that?
Now, that was a pretty good story.
You know, it's so weird. I know so little about Gran. I mean, like, what was her maiden name?
Emily
Gilmore.
Emily
Gilmore.
Wait. Y-you're not saying -
Emily
She and Charles were second cousins.
Emily
Oh, don't act so scandalized. It was not at all uncommon for prominent families to keep the bloodlines closed.
Keeping the bloodlines closed. Is that what we're calling it?
Emily
Well, what would you call it?
Oh, I don't know. How about "Good morning, Appalachia, I got a mighty cute sister and an extra set of toes."
Emily
This is to your father. It's a carbon copy of a letter she sent to your father.
Emily
[reading] "My Dearest Richard, It is with heavy heart that I write you this letter tonight, but I cannot stand by and let you make a terrible mistake. Until now, I had thought, hoped, prayed that you would come to the same conclusion that I have. But you have not, and therefore, I feel it is my duty as your mother to beg you to reconsider your impending marriage." [Lorelai gasps.] "I'm sure that Emily is a very suitable woman for someone, but not for you. She will not be able to make you happy. She does not have the Gilmore stamina or spark. She is simply not a Gilmore."
Well, sure, 'cause you weren't directly related to him.
Emily
[continues reading] "I don't know the circumstances surrounding your breakup with Pennilyn Lott, but it is still my belief that she is much better suited for you than Emily." [Voice breaking] "I know that the timing of this is particularly awkward, since you are to be married tomorrow."
Emily
[reading] "But your happiness is too important to me, so timing be damned."
Emily
[provoking grin] I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.
Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.
Emily
Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.
[Lorelai quickly pulls out her cell phone and hits speed dial. She sighs impatiently while it rings.]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
[Cut to Rory's dorm room.]
Emily
Rory.
[Hearing her grandmother's voice, she turns in shock. Emily is standing in the open doorway]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Emily
[walks toward Rory looking around] What is going on here?
Have I mentioned I'm sorry?
[Emily, Rory, and Lorelai are in the poolhouse - Richard's home while he and Emily's are separated]
Emily
Oh, my God. Will you look at this? [Shocked, she pulls out a vest dressed in colorful sequins]
Emily
It's a vest.
Grandpa has lots of vests.
Emily
It's got glitter. It's a glitter vest.
Emily
So? Where would your father wear a vest like this? Certainly nowhere he ever would've taken me.
Grandma, it's just a vest.
Yeah, Mom. There's tons of places he would wear that.
Emily
Name one.
Emily
This is insane.
Mom, this is the place where unwanted things came to repose. Maybe it's a vest of his from the old days.
Emily
Our days never included Richard dressing up like that gay fellow whose tiger tried to eat him. I have definitely, positively never seen this vest. This is a party vest.
Okay, just put it back, Mom, and let's go.
Emily
[holds out the festive garment] You put it back.
You know, we've moved a lot of stuff around here tonight. We've got to cover our tracks.
Emily
Squished in the middle, as if he was hiding it from me.
[mutters as she returns the vest to the closet] Can you blame him? It's hideous.
Emily
How dare he have a vest like that.
Emily
We attended the Dorman School Bazaar last week. It was a big formal gathering. All our friends were there. And at dinner, he made me reach for the butter.
Emily
It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it.
And that's why you think he's moved on?
Emily
It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all.
Emily
It's very upsetting.
Emily
You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?
Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.
Emily
Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this and I don't remember the proper procedure. Now take me through this step by step. You see a man, you walk up to him, and you say...
Emily
Is that too forward?
No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.
[Emily calls Richard from main house; in pool house, Richard picks up the phone]
Emily
There's a dog on the patio!
Emily
Of course it's Emily!
I'm sorry. You sound agitated.
Emily
Did you get a dog?
Emily
Well, there's a dog on the patio.
Emily
Inside! Richard, do something!
I can't see it from here.
Emily
Well, he’s here nonetheless, and he’s looking at me! Richard, the dog is looking at me!
Emily
I’m holding, but what are we going to—Richard? [to the dog] Shoo! Shoo! [Richard is out on the patio; they continue talking on the phone.] Now do you believe me?
Well, I wasn't doubting you, Emily; I just couldn't see it.
Emily [pointing at the fire poker in his hand]: What is that?
Oh, you made it sound like it was a rabid beast, so I came prepared.
Emily
Don't get too close.
I don't see any froth on his mouth.
Emily
Well, that's something.
I see a collar but no tags. That isn't very smart.
Emily
You're getting too close.
Well, what should I do? It's freezing out here. We can't let it roam around.
Emily
Well it can't come into the house.
Why someone would fail to put a tag on a dog—
Emily
Take it to the pool house.
Emily
Well, that's why we have it.
We have a pool house for stray dogs? Love the innuendo, Emily. Fine. I will take him into the pool house.
Emily
Thank you, Richard. I came out and he was just sitting there.
Emily
I don't know.
Well, I can't get a visual from this angle.
Emily
It's not important.
Dog! I want you to come with me. Come along, dog! [dog gets up, follows Richard to pool house]
Emily
He’s following you.
Emily
Good job, Richard!
Gilmore Girls · 747 quotes
