Emily Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Emily

There ya' go.

Lorelai

Mom, I think… somebody already ate that.

Emily

That is a mashed banana on toast.

Lorelai

[doubtfully] Mm-kay.

Emily

I used to make this all the time for you when you were a little girl.

Lorelai

You did?

Emily

Yes! Whenever you got sick, I made this.

Lorelai

You sure it wasn't the other way around?

Emily

What are you doing?

Lorelai

I'm taking out the avocado.

Emily

Since when don't you like avocado?

Lorelai

Since I said "Gross, what's that?" and you said "Avocado."

Emily

Okay, Rory, come in here please.

Rory

[walks in with a bib on her neck, eating tacos, still wearing her boots] Hey Grandma!

Emily

[not amused with what she saw, telling Lorelai] She has lived with you too long.

Emily

[about Lorelai and Luke] So what exactly is going on between the two of you?

Luke

Nothing. Really. We're friends, that's it.

Emily

You're idiots, the both of you.

Lorelai

It was a mistake.

Emily

A mistake?! You call that a mistake!?

Lorelai

Well, I tried calling it "Al", but it would only answer to "mistake".

Lorelai

Independence Inn!

Emily

I need the hat rack.

Lorelai

[mysteriously] The fish flies at night!

Emily

What?

Lorelai

I don't know. Who is this?

Emily

[So] you were on the phone…

Richard

Long distance.

Lorelai

God?

Richard

London.

Lorelai

God lives in London?

Richard

My mother lives in London.

Lorelai

Your mother is God?

Richard

Lorelai…

Lorelai

So, God is a woman.

Richard

Lorelai…

Lorelai

And a relative! That's so cool. I am gonna totally ask for favors.

Richard

Make her stop.

Rory

Oh, that I could.

Emily

Do you know that every night at dinner the Kennedy clan would sit around the table having lively debates about everything under the sun. They would quiz each other about current events, historical events and intellectual trivia. Now the Gilmore clan is just as smart and wordly as the Kennedy's so come on someone say something.

Lorelai

Did you know that a butt model makes $10,000 a day?

Lorelai

Mother, Grandma is a very old woman, I highly doubt that she's going to remember everything she ever bought you.

Emily

She will remember down to the very last shrimp fork and do you know why?

Lorelai

No. [to statue of two dogs] Do you guys know why?

Emily

Because she doesn't just give you a present, she gives you a present and she tells you where to put it, how to use it, what it costs - for insurance purposes of course - and God forbid you should have a different opinion or you don't think it works in the space or you just get tired of waking up every morning with those horrifying animals staring at you!

Lorelai

[to the dogs] She's just upset.

Emily

Stop talking to the dogs!

Rory

And I need some of Mom, too.

Lorelai

I thought we already had this conversation.

Rory

Yeah, but I don't believe you.

Lorelai

Mother, tell her.

Emily

I don't have any baby pictures of your mother.

Lorelai

Thank you.

Rory

How could you not have any baby pictures of Mom?

Emily

Because, when your mother was seven, I came downstairs and found her burning all of her baby pictures.

Rory

Why would you do that? I'm sure you were a cute baby.

Emily

She was. She was very cute.

Lorelai

4… 3… 2… 1…

Emily

… in most respects.

Lorelai

And we have liftoff.

Rory

What does that mean?

Lorelai

Nothing.

Emily

I don't see what the problem is. You certainly grew into it.

Rory

Grew into what?

Emily

As a child, your mother had an unusually large head.

Lorelai

The best thing about it was that she would tell me — constantly. My first complete sentence was, "Big Head want dolly".

Emily

Of course, they could only get ten of these, so I'm two chairs short of a set.

Lorelai

You're telling me.

Emily

That's amazing. What did you use?

Rory

I don't know. We got it from one of those late night tv-ads. Apparently it also gets rust off nails and hinges, waxes your car perfectly and weather-proofs windows and doors.

Richard

I'll be dead tomorrow. I plan on flinging myself off the roof tonight right in the middle of Pittie Salinger's opening speech.

Emily

Pittie Salinger is a dear friend and you will be nice to her.

Richard

Pittie Salinger is a dipsomaniac. I'm going to bring my newspaper.

Richard

His head is shaped like a football.

Emily

It is not.

Richard

If he fell asleep in the park, someone would try to punt him.

Lorelai

Ugh, they totally just snuck that modeling thing in.

Rory

Hmm, my mom's a model. Maybe you'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now.

Lorelai

Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing.

Rory

"Lorelai Gilmore". Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about "Waffle"? We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium.

Lorelai

Okay, I'm crabby, I need to do something about it. [on phone] Hey Mom!

Emily

Well, hello.

Lorelai

So I went to my first Booster meeting last night, did Bitty tell you?

Emily

No, she did not.

Lorelai

Oh, well, maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might want to send someone out there to look.

Emily

Well, it's certainly nice to hear you finally getting involved.

Lorelai

Yes, in fact we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend, and I volunteered to organize it.

Emily

Well, good for you.

Lorelai

Yes, and since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton, I knew you'd want to be involved somehow, so you're gonna be one of the models.

Emily

Excuse me?

Lorelai

Yeah, so it's next Saturday, be there at four, and we'll provide hair and makeup.

Emily

Lorelai, you can't be serious.

Lorelai

Oh, and we'll need your measurements also.

Emily

This is ridiculous.

Lorelai

Mom. You said you wanted me to be involved. Well, I'm involved now. Don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future?

Emily

All right.

Lorelai

Start measuring.

Rory

You feel better now?

Lorelai

Waffle's very happy.