“Dear Emily and Richard” · Season 3
In this episode: Lorelai Gilmore (3), Rory Gilmore (1), Emily Gilmore (1), Jess Mariano (1), Dean Forrester (1)
[Flashback to Rory's birth.]
Okay, this is a big pain and I'd really like it to go away, please.
Just breathe deep, honey.
Breathing doesn't help. Can I hit you instead?
What?
Or pinch you really hard, 'cause that might make me feel better.
No, you cannot hit me.
Can I bite you or pull your hair or use the Epilady on you, 'cause I really need to do something.
[Dean walks up to the counter]
I gotta place an order.
Talk into the clown.
I am.
(annoyed) ... What do you want?
Six burgers, three with cheese; two cheddar, one Swiss. Two plain, one with chili, cheese and onions on the side... Your memory’s that good?
You’re screwing with me.
I’m placing an order.
For all of Connecticut.
For the construction crew next door.
Oh, you’re Taylor’s errand boy now.
And you’re Taylor’s waitress.
Say that a little closer.
I thought you had a girlfriend.
Give me your order and get out.
Service with a smile. Uh, six burgers, three cheese; two cheddar, one Swiss. Two plain burgers, one chili burger with cheese and onions on the side. Three ham on ryes; one mayo, one mustard, one combo. A combo means mustard and–
I know what a combo means.
Sorry, guess that confused look is just how your face is.
Do you wanna talk about this outside?
Just as soon as I’m finished. Uh, four hot dogs. Two egg salads on white. One chicken salad on wheat. A chef's salad with ranch. Five fries. Five onion rings. Two chips. Extra pickles.
On what?
Excuse me?
What are the extra pickles on?
On the side.
On the side of what? On the side of the burgers, on the side of the sandwiches, or on the side of the road where the ditch I’m gonna dump your body into is?
[about a package] It’s from my mother.
What is it?
It’s heavy. Must be her hopes and dreams for me.
I thought she discarded those years ago.
And the second thing is, you need to tell me why you’re sitting like that.
Maureen told me that Howard Stern said that if you squat, it makes the baby come out faster.
Okay, as long as you have a sane reason from a reliable source.
You do not just leave a note. You call and say: "Mom, I'm in labor. Will you please drive me to the damned hospital?!"
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