This is to your father. It's a carbon copy of a letter she sent to your father.
LorelaiHmm. That's nice.
[reading] "My Dearest Richard, It is with heavy heart that I write you this letter tonight, but I cannot stand by and let you make a terrible mistake. Until now, I had thought, hoped, prayed that you would come to the same conclusion that I have. But you have not, and therefore, I feel it is my duty as your mother to beg you to reconsider your impending marriage." [Lorelai gasps.] "I'm sure that Emily is a very suitable woman for someone, but not for you. She will not be able to make you happy. She does not have the Gilmore stamina or spark. She is simply not a Gilmore."
Lorelai
Well, sure, 'cause you weren't directly related to him.
[continues reading] "I don't know the circumstances surrounding your breakup with Pennilyn Lott, but it is still my belief that she is much better suited for you than Emily." [Voice breaking] "I know that the timing of this is particularly awkward, since you are to be married tomorrow."
Lorelai
No way!
[reading] "But your happiness is too important to me, so timing be damned."
You're not worried, are you? Because I'm just going for the sun and to read, nothing more.
Lorelai
I know, I know. It's just, it's always the good kids who've never had a drink that take one sip of Kahlua and fall out of a window.
So you're sad you never taught me how to drink?
Lorelai
Exactly!
Well, grab a bottle and some quarters and let's go.
...
Lorelai
No falling out of windows.
Not even a first floor one.
Lorelai
And don't drink. And after you're done not drinking, drink tons of water and take two aspirin before you go to bed.
[Talking on cell phone]: Okay, forget I said "giant Q-tips." They're not hitting each other with giant Q-tips. [Referring to a couple boys fighting with Pugil sticks American Gladiator-style]
Lorelai
But now I can't get giant Q-tips out of my head. It's too powerful a visual.
Lorelai
So how is it?
Lorelai
Yeah, how good?
I haven't had a drink yet.
Lorelai
OK, you sure you weren't drinking and that's why you think they're giant Q-tips?
Lorelai
What just happened?
[No response]
Lorelai
You sound distracted, did something cute just walk by?
Lorelai
Hello?
Lorelai
This is Lorelai Gilmore.
No, this is Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai
Ooh. Gaslight.
Lorelai
Yes, you left it in the kitchen. You know what that means, don't you? You miss Mommy.
Yes, or that the refrigerator was empty, and I ordered food.
Lorelai
Oh, that makes much more sense.
Why didn't you just tell them that you guys were dating?
Lorelai
Oh, come on. You know why. We were going to tell them when the time was right. Of course, I had no idea we were dealing with the Carringtons. All we needed was a swimming pool and some ball gowns to really end the evening right.
This is unbelievable. I leave you people alone for one hour and all hell breaks loose.
Lorelai
How could he do this? How could my father just take the business from you?
Oh, no, no, no. He left me the business, but without the clients, the business consists of some stationery, a coffee maker, and some rubber pencil grips.
Lorelai
I don't understand. Why would my father do that?
Because it's brilliant. It's perfect. He gets my dad to drop the lawsuit, he makes some extra cash, and he's sitting pretty. Makes perfect sense.
Lorelai
There's a cat on my doorstep.
Well, that's better than a bun in your oven.
...
Lorelai
There are two of them. They're not even easing me into this, those bastards. I give up. I guess I need to start collecting newspapers and magazines, find a blue bathrobe, lose my front teeth.
Well, obviously, you've got a busy day ahead of you, so I'm gonna let you go.
Lorelai
Yarn balls. I need to find some yarn balls!
[about the Renaissance Fair themed wedding] Just do me a favor. I'm gonna try to keep a happy, proud look on my face to cover the smirking and about-to-laugh-my-ass-off face just underneath. Help me achieve this.
Lorelai
Oh, come on. They have a community of people, friends, you know, who travel together, engage in silliness, dress in costume. I think it's nice.
[Lorelai hurriedly pushes Rory out the diner door.]
What's your damage, Heather?
Lorelai
I think I'm dating Luke.
Lorelai
I'm not sure. It's just a possibility. I could be wrong.
Lorelai
I went with him to his sister's wedding, and it was really nice. We had a really good time. We laughed a lot, and we ate, and then we danced.
Lorelai
We pop-locked.
Was it a fast dance, slow dance, group dance?
Lorelai
It was a slow dance. What is "group dance?"
Lorelai
No hustle, no hora. It was a slow dance -- a waltz. Luke can waltz.
Lorelai
Luke can waltz.
Look how you just said, "Luke can waltz."
Lorelai
What, I'm just saying, I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.
That sounded more like, "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on." Did you say yes?
Lorelai
When?
To the movie. Did you say yes?
Lorelai
Yes.
That sounds like dating to me.
Lorelai
But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house, and since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking, "If I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.
And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
Lorelai
There was! There was a moment.
[Luke pauses as if he is making a decision, then steps toward her.]
Lorelai
What are you doing?
Will you just stand still?
[He wraps his arms around her and kisses her deeply. She pulls back, shocked, but then moves toward him again.]
Lorelai
Will you just stand still?
[She kisses him and he wraps his arms around her again.]
[Lorelai gazes at the rumpled bed and then turns back to Rory]
Lorelai
[about Dean] So what'd he 'borrow'?
I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first. I... I know I promised I would, but - I swear I didn't know that this was going to happen! I mean, I didn't know that he was going to show up tonight and it just happened! It's awful for you to find out like this, I know, but everything's okay! I'm okay! And we were, you know, safe, so all those Trojan men jokes all these years really apparently stuck. And I'm lucky, too, because Dean, he's... well, aren't you glad that it happened with someone who's good and really loves me?
Lorelai
He's married.
You don't understand the situation.
Lorelai
Is he still married?
Lorelai
Then I 'understand the situation'.
He tried the best he could, but it didn't work! It's over!
Lorelai
He told you that?
Lorelai
He told you he's leaving her?
Lorelai
He told you he's moving out, they're getting divorced, he's got a lawyer, they've divided up the Monster Truck season tickets?
[increasingly awkward] We didn't get around to discussing everything.
Lorelai
You didn't 'get around to discussing everything'?
Lorelai
You of all people. The girl who thinks everything through. The listmaker. You didn't bother to discuss those things before jumping into bed with a married guy?
He's not 'a married guy'! He's Dean, my Dean!
Lorelai
He's not your Dean, he's Lindsay's Dean. You're the other woman!
Gilmore Girls · 747 quotes
