LorelaiIt's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off!
Lorelai
[devastated] Oh my God, I don't believe this...
He's in love with me, not Lindsay!
Lorelai
Does Lindsay know that?!
She's not good for him, okay?! She lets him quit school, and work himself to death-
Lorelai
No, no, Rory, uh uh, you can't be one of those girls who blames the wife for 'forcing' the husband to cheat!
Lorelai
He was cheating, Rory. He was cheating, and you were cheating with him, there's no other way to spin that, kid!
I'm not spinning it, and I'm not a kid, I'm nineteen!
Lorelai
This was your first time, it's just not the way your first time was supposed to be.
Oh, and how was my first time 'supposed to be'?
Lorelai
Well, first of all, it was supposed to be in a retirement home.
Lorelai
I just don't want you to get hurt, Rory! What if he doesn't leave her? Now you're all emotionally involved!
You're just mad because I didn't come running to you to discuss whether or not I was ready for this step, I decided it on my own!
Lorelai
Well, obviously you weren't ready for this step. The very fact that you chose another girl's guy to sleep with proves that!
He was my boyfriend first!
Lorelai
But you dumped him! You rejected him, you picked someone else!
Lorelai
Rory-
I hate you for ruining this for me! [she runs outside and phones Dean's house, only to have Lindsay answer; she hangs up and sinks to her knees, crying]
Lorelai
Oh my God. We need to take him upstairs.
[still face down] LuLu can't see me like this.
Lorelai
But, Kirk --
[hysterical] LuLu can't see me like this!!
Lorelai
Okay, she won't. I promise. Can I take a look?
Lorelai
I don't want to take a look.
[Sookie descends the stairs and approaches]
Hey! It's a party. What's everybody doing up?
Lorelai
Aw, hey, good timing, Squiggy.
I was just going to check on my loaves and make sure they're rising properly. The air's a little more humid than I thought it was going to be, and if the loaves aren't rising properly, then -- what are you doing? [They both pull Sookie closer to the sofa]
Lorelai
We need you to look at Kirk's butt.
Lorelai
Well, because he ran into some rose bushes, and he's got some thorns stuck in it, and I thought of you.
Lorelai
Well, because... you're a chef.
Lorelai
Yes, that's better. You have a kid.
Neither of us has kids. Well, she does, but it's big and -- and -- and can look at her own butt.
[on Lorelai's answering machine] Hey it's me. Listen I got a call from my sister and TJ, they are up in Maine and they got into a little accident. Nothing too major, just each one of them broke an arm and a leg. So anyhow, they can't run the Renaissance fair booth for a couple of weeks. So they asked me to come and help them out, and I, unfortunately, answered the phone, so I'm on my way to Maine. I'll be back in about a week. OK? Bye.
Lorelai
Great...
[Message number 2]
Hey it's me again, I'm not sure we are at the point in this relationship where you actually need to know that much information about my whereabouts. So if we're not, I'm sorry. I could have just said, "I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later." So I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later.
[Message number 3]
It's me again. The idiot that leaves you three rambling messages on your machine. I just wanted to tell you I got a cell phone before I left so... You know you could call if you want, but only if you want so... That's it.
Lorelai
AH! [Frustrated]
[Message number 4]
Yeah number might be good.
Lorelai
Thank you.
[Message number 5, she is finishing writing down the number]
Just...don't change your mind until I get back, OK? OK, talk to you later.
Lorelai
Hey, I should bring steak sauce, right?
Lorelai
Pizza.
I just got back from Italy.
Lorelai
So?
So they'd shoot you in Italy for that.
Lorelai
But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.
I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments.
Lorelai
[after finding out that Lindsay read the letter Rory wrote to Dean] Okay, I have got to know what was in that letter.
I...I told him that that night was special and that I wasn't sorry it happened...but he's married, and he has to figure out his life, so I said that I was going to make it easier for him...and take myself out of the mix.
Lorelai
That was a very good letter.
I can't believe she found it.
Lorelai
Is this like a Mafia thing?
Lorelai
The whole coming in, special table, reserved sign. Are you gonna have to whack someone before the soup course?
No, I've filled my whacking quota for the week. [cringes] Dirty?
Lorelai
[wicked grin] Extremely.
Lorelai
I was just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day. The place was packed. And this person...
Lorelai
Oh, is it me? Is it me?
This person comes tearing into the place, in a caffeine frenzy...
Lorelai
Ooh, it's me!
I'm with a customer, she interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee. So I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. Finally I turn to her, and tell her she's being annoying. Sit down, shut up, and I'll get to her when I get to her.
Lorelai
You know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful...
She asked me my birthday. I wouldn't tell her, she wouldn't stop talking, finally I gave in. I told her my birthday. She went and got the newspaper, opened it up to the horoscopes page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me. So I was looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written: 'You will meet an annoying woman. Give her coffee, and she'll go away.' So I gave her coffee.
Lorelai
But she didn't go away!
She told me to hold onto that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and one day it would bring me luck.
[Luke takes his wallet out and shows Lorelai the horoscope.]
Lorelai
Boy, I will say anything for a cup of coffee! [long pause] I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet? You kept this in your wallet...
Lorelai
[touched] Eight years...
[Lorelai quickly pulls out her cell phone and hits speed dial. She sighs impatiently while it rings.]
Lorelai
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
[Cut to Rory's dorm room.]
[Hearing her grandmother's voice, she turns in shock. Emily is standing in the open doorway]
Lorelai
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[walks toward Rory looking around] What is going on here?
Lorelai
Have I mentioned I'm sorry?
[Emily, Rory, and Lorelai are in the poolhouse - Richard's home while he and Emily's are separated]
Oh, my God. Will you look at this? [Shocked, she pulls out a vest dressed in colorful sequins]
Lorelai
[dryly] And tasteful.
Grandpa has lots of vests.
It's got glitter. It's a glitter vest.
Lorelai
So?
So? Where would your father wear a vest like this? Certainly nowhere he ever would've taken me.
Grandma, it's just a vest.
Lorelai
Yeah, Mom. There's tons of places he would wear that.
Lorelai
Okay, I'm at a loss.
Lorelai
Mom, this is the place where unwanted things came to repose. Maybe it's a vest of his from the old days.
Our days never included Richard dressing up like that gay fellow whose tiger tried to eat him. I have definitely, positively never seen this vest. This is a party vest.
Lorelai
Okay, just put it back, Mom, and let's go.
[holds out the festive garment] You put it back.
You know, we've moved a lot of stuff around here tonight. We've got to cover our tracks.
Lorelai
Where did you find it?
Squished in the middle, as if he was hiding it from me.
Lorelai
[mutters as she returns the vest to the closet] Can you blame him? It's hideous.
How dare he have a vest like that.
Gilmore Girls · 747 quotes
