Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Luke

What's that?

Lorelai

Okay, um. . .A, um, no talking during the movie, and B, don't tell me you've never seen the FBI warning before.

Luke

It's new to me.

Lorelai

Oh, my God. You're beyond monk. You're uber-monk.

Luke

Just start it up. I won't talk again.

Lorelai

Okay, just one more warning - when they showed the first motion picture over a hundred years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, and, um, people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now, Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen.

Emily

Flying, thumping balls all over the place.

Lorelai

Flying, thumping what all over the place?

Emily

Balls.

Emily

You are four.

Lorelai

And balls are funny.

Sookie

We did it, we got the job! What a score! We landed a whale.

Lorelai

Yeah, we always had the job, Sookie. The whale was just toying with us. She was swatting us with her tail and hosing us down with her blowhole because that is the whale's M.O. - humiliate and rip apart every other fish in the sea until there's nothing left but a bloody pile of chum.

Sookie

Boy, you really hate whales, don't you?

Lorelai

Mom?

Emily

Were you asleep?

Lorelai

Uh... no.

Emily

Then why are you in your pajamas?

Lorelai

These aren't pajamas...

Emily

You wear that in public??

Lorelai

... Hi mom, would you like to come in?

Emily

You have the word "juicy" on your rear end!

Lorelai

Well, if I'd known you were coming over I would have changed.

Emily

Into what? A brassiere with the word "tasty" on it?

Taylor

I will be managing the event and emceeing. Uh, Miss Patty, you will be stage-managing. Uh, Lorelai, if you could help organize the costumes?

Lorelai

I'm here for you and your sexy beard, Taylor.

Lorelai

So, Davey, beautiful day, huh? What would you like to discuss? Middle East peace, the space program? I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God. He said, "The answer to the problems in the Mideast is, 'I have to poop.'"

Sookie

He got distracted.

Rory

More broccoli, Grandpa?

Richard

Absolutely. Staves off the cancer.

Lorelai

Staves off my appetite.

Emily

You really should eat more green things, Lorelai.

Lorelai

I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight.

Rory

Oh, have you seen the new twenties? They have a little peach color in 'em.

Lorelai

Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty, I'll have my fruits and vegetables.

Lorelai

Hi, hon. Jason, this is my daughter, Rory. Rory, Jason.

Rory

Right, Scooper.

Lorelai

Digger.

Rory

Sorry. Digger.

Jason

It's nice to meet you. And I don't really go by Digger anymore.

Lorelai

What is it, P. Digger now?

Lorelai

Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties.

Rory

She did not say that.

Lorelai

She did say that.

Rory

It seems a little wrong that Jessica Simpson is alive and well and Roy got eaten by his tiger.

Rory

Oh, my god.

Lorelai

What?

Rory

He hired Brennon Lewis.

Lorelai

And?

Rory

Ew!

Lorelai

He doesn't look that bad.

Rory

He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich.

Lorelai

Ew!

Rory

He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched The Breakfast Club and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together.

Richard

I like that boy.

Lorelai

Prove it. Drop your pants!

Lorelai

Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart?

Yes.

Lorelai

You're my almost-mommy.

Well, I suppose you could put it that way.

Lorelai

I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony?

Lorelai

Where are you going?

Jason

Just watch my Snow Balls, please.

Lorelai

Not on the first date, mister.

Rory

Yes, what about that? This guy's risking everything - his job, his reputation.

Lorelai

Yes, well. . .he'll always have Paris.

Rory

How long have you been waiting with that one?

Lorelai

I just had a feeling the opportunity would present itself eventually.

Rory

Maybe it's a phase. It'll pass.

Lorelai

Oh, yeah, or he will.

Lorelai

Um, listen, we should talk about what we're gonna do.

Jason

About what?

Lorelai

I mean, you know, what we're gonna, uh, say to people about us.

Jason

Hm, how about "yahoo"?

Lorelai

No, I'm talking about what we're gonna say to my parents about us.

Jason

Oh, well, I thought we'd say that we're having repeated sexual encounters out of wedlock continuously as Catholic schoolchildren are walking by.