Now remember Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
Well, sir, I'm a little nervous about meeting her parents.
Of course you are. You're meek and uninteresting.
S3Where the Buggalo Roam
I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister, I-I spit! A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.
But you still have them, right?
Oh, yes. But I keep them inside until I can write them in my diary.
Ah, it's a wonderful night.
It sure is. I could just lie here beside you staring at the sky all night.
I can't! [She kisses him and the ground shakes] What's that?
Maybe we just made love!
Thanks for saving my life, Kif. You're my hero.
Oh, you're kind. But your parents still don't like me.
Well globviously! But if they liked you then I wouldn't. Don't you know anything about girls?
[They kiss. The Buggalo run past and the ground shakes. Amy gets up and goes back inside. Kif gets out his diary.]
Dear diary, I just made love for the second time!
S3Insane in the Mainframe
Let me guess. He thinks he's Abraham Lincoln.
U2Unit 2013
Well, he's supposed to, but he has multiple personalities. All of them Lincoln.
ALAbraham Lincoln Robot
I was born in 200 log cabins.
OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
You're going to do his laundry?
[Amy smacks him upside the head]
Fry, stay back, he's too powerful!
Negative, bossy meat creature.
Don't be a hero, Fry! It's not covered in the health plan!
RRoberto
Back off! I've got hostages!
Hooray! I'm helping!
SSmitty
Do you have any better hostages?
Fear not. I shall assist ye.
Robots don't say "ye"!
Relax, mammal. My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?
That's a plus sign, ya pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!
I'll show ye...
I'm not a robot like you, I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth.
RRoberto
Hey, Red. You're just in time for the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on?
The side that kicks your twisted, metal ass.
JWJudge Whitey
Counselor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?
HCHyper-Chicken
For starters, they done hired me to represent them.
JWJudge Whitey
Insanity plea is accepted!
U2Unit 2013
This is Frankie. He thinks he's a lunch room attendant, so we put him to work in the lunch room. [Loudly] How are things in the lunch room, Frankie?
FFrankie
S'alright.
U2Unit 2013
Poor Frankie...
We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor, but he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.
S3The Route of All Evil
Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery!
The address was to "Dogdoo 8", but the universe ends right after Dogdoo 7.
[to Dwight] Child mon, is this true?
Yeah, but why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.
[points at Bender] Plus, they're making bootleg beer inside company property!
[nervously] Lies! Lies and slander! [belches foam]
FFarnsworth
Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?! That's the last straw! You boys have been underfoot long enough!
You jerked the words right outta my mouth! We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it!
[eagerly] Ooh-hoo! Here comes violence!
[clears his throat] Get a job, you lazy kids!
[Dwight and Cubert gasp]
[groans, then gets out a baseball bat] I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.