Zoidberg quotes from Futurama

Professor Farnsworth

Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.

Dr. Zoidberg

There's no part of that sentence I didn't like!

Fry

I'm Santa Claus!

Hermes

No, I'm Santa Claus!

Amy

We're also Santa Claus!

Dr. Zoidberg

[with a heavenly aura around him] And I'm his friend, Jesus.

Fry

Your Mayor-ness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Poopenmeyer

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots! Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of Jesus! [The display shows "00"] Hey! Zero! [He throws the switch and sends the electricity through the electromagnets. Bender's arms and legs are pulled to them]

Bender

No! Not the magnets! [His eyes widen. singing] Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home. [The witnesses applaud] Swing low, sweet...

Fry

This is horrible.

Prof. Farnsworth

But it's not boring!

Santa

Ho, ho, ho! [He shoots the other electromagnet off the wall. Everyone scatters except for Fry, Leela, Bender and Poopenmeyer. Fry and Leela dive behind some rubble]

Poopenmeyer

My God! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus!

Zoidberg

I help those who help themselves.

Bender

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me!

Santa

[laughs] I'm not here to kill you, Bender! I need you to help me save Xmas.

Bender

Gee whiz, Santa! You want me to help you?

Fry

Don't do it! He's evil!

Santa

I know he is but I have no choice. I'm running late and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is: Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

Bender

Well ... 'tis the season!

Hermes

Come on, baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Dr. Zoidberg

The hell with your spoiled baby! I need those shoes.

Fry

What happened?

Dr. Zoidberg

All 6,000 hulls have been breached.

Fry

Oh, the fools! Why didn't they build it with 6,001 hulls?! When will they learn?

Fry

No fair! Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit in her lap and steer... in this comic I drew.

Dr. Zoidberg

[Grabs comic] Ooh, the new one's out!

Leela

Why weren't you kong donkeys outside cleaning up?

Dr. Zoidberg

They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... [he turns his head, revealing egg yolks dripping from his fronds] and eating penguin eggs.

Fry

You ate most of them.

What can I get you gentlemen?

Dr. Zoidberg

Is bread free?

Yeah.

Dr. Zoidberg

We'll split an order.

Bender

That plot makes perfect sense. Wink, wink.

Dr. Zoidberg

Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud.

Bender

No I didn't. Raise middle finger.

So, you want to be a comedian, is it?

Dr. Zoidberg

It's my life long dream.

Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented. That's why you're perfect for drama.

Zoidberg

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela, he's a doctor, they're very poor.

Leela

Actually, most doctors are rich.

Zoidberg

What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Fry

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg: He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage and does.

Zoidberg

Damn right!

Fry

The Professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

Fry

Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

Hermes

Tally me banana.

Fry

Amy's a klutz from Mars.

Amy

Sploops!

Farnsworth

And, Fry, you've got that brain thing.

Fry

I already did! So, Leela, do you wanna be like us? Or do you wanna be like Adlai with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

Leela

That's the dumbest question I ever heard!

Anyway, make yourselves at home.

Dr. Zoidberg

Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have any more of this Dom Pérignon bubble bath? There was only enough to fill the tub halfway.

Back off! I've got hostages!

Zoidberg

Hooray! I'm helping!

Do you have any better hostages?

Wow, look at the colours. These'll go great with my soul.

Zoidberg

Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewellery for years, apparently.

Bender

Oh no! I forgot this is a hover-bridge!

Leela

And I forgot this isn't a hover-car!

Fry

Is any of that a problem?

Zoidberg

Not if you've lived a life without regret! [screams in terror]