Turanga Leela quotes from Futurama

Leela

Okay, we've got shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation.

Hermes

It's pizza time. [passes boxes to the rest of the crew.]

Amy

Ugh, pineapple?

Hermes

So much for that.

Leela

Oh, did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

Fry

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady.

Leela

You mean, like my penis?

Lrrr

I don’t understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering?

Leela

They’re probably just waiting for Joss Whedon.

Lrrr

Joss Whedon’s here? Wait a minute, you look familiar.

Leela

Yeah. You almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes.

Lrrr

Leela?

Leela

Oh, Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. [She pauses as her parents look shocked.] I'm sorry.

It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole.

Turanga Morris

What do ya say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake, and Safeway ice cream?

Fry

I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people.

Leela

How dare you? You wanna understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump, or a Zoidberg face!

Zoidberg

[freaked-out] Urgh!

Leela

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

Fry

I would, but I just ate a bunch of potato salad, so...

Leela

Yeah. That's what I thought. You are all surface.

Fry

Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song?

Robot Santa

[singing] It's the violentest season of the year.

Old Kringle-bot has come to spread some mugs of Xmas fear.

Robot Santa

Sugar-plummy visions will be dancing in your head

Leela

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel,

Robot Santa

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial,

We have to have a pine tree as coniferous.

Robot Santa

[flies away] You're welcome.

Bender

I've placed instruments under your seats. Play 'em or I'll break 'em over your heads!

Hermes

Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Amy

Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?

Why with the music so loud?

Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?

Leela

To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil?

The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special

Amy

It would've been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfi-gigger. It was Linens 'n' Things!

The hell it was! It was a Juicy Couture!

Leela

I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Fry

Wait. Why didn't that hurt? [stretches pants to check] Aggghhh! My wing-wang's gone!

Leela

My girls!

Bender

My antenna!

My kajigger!

Zoidberg

My gonopores!

Zoidberg

Look it up.

Leela

Well, it was a lot of hard work, but it beats posing in skimpy, demeaning outfits.

Prof. Farnsworth

Here are your skimpy, demeaning stewardress uniforms.

Hermes

Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months.

Leela

How is Lynn, by the way?

Bender

Livin' in Oregon with her crazy mother!

Leela

Need I remind you that in space, the captain's word is law? I could marry Hermes with Bender against their will if I wanted to.

Hermes

[gasps] You wouldn't dare!

Bender

Eh, I've been married to worse.

Leela

All right, which one of you sea dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon a whale?

Amy

I spent a semester in Africa hunting giraffes, and giraffes are basically land space whales.

Leela

Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here.

Leela

Uh, sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got.

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

Zoidberg

His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match.

Leela

Well, if it'll help Fry...

Fry

Careful, Leela. He knows less about human anatomy than I do, and I can't even find my own uterus.