Bender quotes from Futurama

Fry

We're rescuing ya.

Bender

I don't want to be rescued.

Fry

Say what?

Bender

I love this planet! I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Leela

[Noting score on a sheet of paper.] Alright! Miller's on pace to hit 70 blerns!

Farnsworth

He's good alright, but he's no Clem Johnson! And Johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory!

Bender

Clem Johnson! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot league! Now, Wireless Joe Jackson - there was a blern-hittin' machine!

Leela

Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on! Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.

Bender

Oh, and I suppose Pitch-o-Mat 5000 was "just a modified howitzer"!

Leela

Yep.

Fry

I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends, it's things.

Bender

I'm a thing...

Leela

Since when do you care about us?

Bender

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy songs about the buttocks!

Fry

No, that's true!

Fry

Hey, whatcha watching?

Leela

Is that a cooking show?

Bender

[turns off the TV] No, of course not. It was... uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

Leela

[turns the TV back on] Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.

Bender

Aww, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long.

Fry

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking too.

Bender

[sotto voce] Pansy.

Bender

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.

Zoidberg

Uh-oh! I shouldn't have had seconds.

Fry

It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.

Bender

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything!

Fry

Wha'd'you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet.

Bender

Good point... but here's a disturbing reminder: anyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Fry

These things happen.

Bender

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!

Fry

Phew, that's a load off my mind.

Leela

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.

Bender

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.

Hermes

Bender, it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf around on the couch.

Bender

You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!

Prof. Farnsworth

Good news, everyone!

Bender

Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.

Prof. Farnsworth

You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.

Bender

Here it comes.

Prof. Farnsworth

A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.

Bender

Thank you and goodnight.

Leela

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?

Prof. Farnsworth

Why, of course! It's just a name! Like the Death Zone or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror!

Eat my shorts!

Bender

Okay! [Eats the doll's shorts.] Mmm, shorts.

Professor Farnsworth

I daresay that Fry has discovered the smelliest object in the known universe!

Bender

Ooh, name it after me!

Leela

Get ready to run. We got 25 minutes.

Leela

Uh, 15 minutes. [The timer beeps again.] 5 minutes. [The timer beeps again.] "6h" minutes?

Bender

There's your problem: the professor put the counter on upside down!

Leela

That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes; it was set for 52 seconds!

Fry

[screams] AHHHH! We're gonna die!...Right?

Bender

Right.

Bender

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.

Leela

Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?

Bender

I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?

Fry

[Chuckles] Good ol' Bender.

Leela

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?

Bender

[Nervous] No! Don't come in!