Bender quotes from Futurama

Robot Devil

We know all your sins, Bender! And for each one we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment! Gentlemen...

Bender

Ah, crap. Singing... Mind if I smoke?

Robot Devil

[Singing] Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em,

Bender

Just tell me why...

Robot Devil

Please read this 55-page warrant.

Bender

There must be robots worse than I...

Robot Devil

We've checked around; there really aren't!

Bender

Then please let me explain,

Robot Devil

You stole from boy scouts, nuns, and banks!

Bender

Ah, don't blame me; blame my upbringing! [Tries to take the Robot Devil's wallet]

Robot Devil

Please stop sinning while I'm singing!

Fry

Bender, are you alright?

Bender

No! Oh, they tortured me with up-tempo singing and dancing!

Leela

They're laying down mad rhymes with an 80% success rate.

Bender

I believe that qualifies as ill, at least from a technical standpoint.

Leela

That was the worst delivery ever.

Fry

Yeah, I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.

Bender

Me neither! Food was good, though.

Bender

You all go without me! I'm gonna take one last look around, you know, for, uh, stuff to steal!

Fry

You're going back for the Countess, aren't you?

Bender

All right, I am. But I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back, just say I died robbing some old man.

Fry

I'll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Bender

[hugging Fry] I love you, buddy!

Bender, you risked your life to save me!

Bender

And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

Bender

Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You gotta' give me a do-over.

Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs.

Leela

Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan.

Dr. Zoidberg

You know Zapp Brannigan?

Leela

Let's just say we've crossed paths.

Bender

Was that before or after you slept with him?

Professor Farnsworth

Good news, everyone! We've got a very special delivery today.

Fry

Who's it going to?

Professor Farnsworth

Me.

Bender

[dusting off hands] Another job well done!

You robots are a disgrace to this university! Whenever a fire alarm is pulled, Robot House! Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House! Whenever a human corpse is desecrated...

Bender

Now I can explain that!

Leela

You went to college?

Bender

Of course. I'm a bender. I went to Bending College; I majored in Bending.

Fry

What was your minor?

Bender

Robo-American Studies.

Hermes

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boatbag!

Bender

Ow! [Fry chuckles. Hermes hits Fry next.]

Fry

Oof! Hey, quit it, Hermes! It's Labor Day.

Hermes

Labor Day?! That phoney-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Fry

That's the one.

Hermes

Hot damn, a day off!

Bender

They must just wanna see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to 'em.

Amy

There aren't any copies left.

Farnsworth

No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the Second Coming of Jesus.

Amy Wong

You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Try some zinc.

Bender

I'm 40% zinc!

Amy Wong

Then take some echinacea, or St. John's Wort.

Professor Farnsworth

Or a big fat placebo. It's all the same crap!