Rachel Green quotes from Friends

Rachel

This isn't about the movie theater. This is about you stealing my wind.

Ross

Excuse me -- your wind?

Rachel

How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?

Ross

You know, um... I don't have a... have a... problem with that.

Ross

Ok, what the hell happened back there?

Rachel

I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.

Ross

Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean, you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.

Rachel

Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of our lives, we've been dating for six weeks!

Ross

C'mon, what, you never think about our future?

Rachel

Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think what our children's names are gonna be! [Ross looks at her] You know what our children's names are gonna be!

Ross

No, no. I mean you know, I read a book and there was a girl named Emily, and I thought, I thought it might be good.

Rachel

What was the book?

Ross

...The big book of children's names.

Rachel

Okay, Ross, listen. What we have is amazing.

Ross

Yeah.

Rachel

But I do not want everything decided for me! I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry. It was one of the reasons why I left. I like not knowing right now. And I'm sorry if that scares you, but if you wanna be with me you're gonna have to deal with that!

Ross

Okay, fine!

Rachel

Thank you!

Ross

We're not done!

Rachel

I didn't know that.

Ross

Then you're gonna have to understand that you're with a guy who's not gonna stop planning his future with you because he knows we're gonna end up together and if that scares you, tough! 'Cause you're gonna have to deal with that.

Rachel

Fine, I will!

Ross

Good, 'cause I love you!

Rachel

Oh yeah?

Ross

Yeah!

Rachel

Well, I love you too!

Ross

Well, it's the first time we said that!

Rachel

Yes it is!

Ross

Well, I'm gonna kiss you!

Rachel

Well you better!

Joey

[Pulling out a sandwich] Want half of my sandwich?

Rachel

What kind is it?

Joey

Ham and olive spread, no mayo.

Rachel

[Sarcastically] Right, right, 'cause mayo would make it gross.

Phoebe

He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together.

Rachel

So, wait -- this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?

Monica

That'll teach you to lick my muffin.

Rachel

No way! The most romantic song ever was The Way We Were.

Phoebe

Uh, see, I... I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on "Who's the Boss?"

Phoebe

Um, Hold Me Close, Young Tony Danza.

Ross

How can you not be going?

Rachel

Well, I'm not gonna go... so I think that will accomplish the not going.

Rachel

What happened to your jam plan?

Monica

I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now... Babies.

Chandler

Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.

Ross

What are you talking about?

Monica

I'm talking about me having a baby.

Ross

What?

Monica

Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.

Ross

Well, aren't you forgettin' something? What, what, what is, uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!

Ross

[reading his list of 5 celebrities he's allowed to sleep with] Elizabeth Hurley.

Chandler

Very attractive, forgiving.

Ross

Susan Sarandon.

Chandler

She's too political, to do it with her, you'd probably have to donate four cans of food first

Ross

Isabella Rosellini.

Chandler

She's too international.

Rachel

So?

Chandler

So you gotta pick the odds, pick someone who will be in the country all the time.

Rachel

Yeah, because that's why you weren't gonna get Isabella Rosellini, geography.

Joey

Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.

Monica

What?

Rachel

Excuse me, there was no time!

Joey

Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?

Phoebe

oh my God I killed and this curse is getting stronger too to take a target that big

Phoebe

He's alive! ALIVE!

Monica

And yet we're still poking him.

Joey

Retract the device! Retract the device!

Ross

He does not look happy.

Rachel

And now he's showing us his poking device.

Joey

[to Ugly Naked Guy] Hey, that's never gonna reach all the way over here, buddy!

Rachel

Okay everyone, this is my last cup of coffee.

Chandler

[As soon as he's sure she's out of earshot] Think I ought to tell her I ordered tea?

Phoebe

How can you not know which one?

Rachel

I mean, that's unbelievable.

I mean, was it Gina?

Ross

Which one is Gina?

Rachel

Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.

Monica

No, no, no, that's Dina.

Chandler

You see, you can't tell which one is which either!

Rachel

[After giving a very long kiss to Ross] Well, that'll be a kiss he won't forget for a few hours.

Chandler

Yeah. Or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.

Rachel

[Pauses to think, then runs after Ross] Wait! Ross- I'm jealous! I'm jealous!

Rachel

[upset because Joey's just ruined the end of The Shining for her, she ruins Little Women for him] All right... Okay. Laurie proposes to Jo and she says no even though she's still in love with him. And then he ends up marrying Amy.

Joey

Hey! Mine was by accident! All right. The boiler explodes and destroys the hotel and kills the dad.

Rachel

Beth dies.

Joey

[completely horrified] Beth... Beth dies? [to Chandler] If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?

Chandler

No, Beth doesn't die. She doesn't die, does she, Rachel?

Rachel

What?

Ross

Joey is asking if you've just ruined the first book he's ever loved that didn't star Jack Nicholson.

Chandler

Well, hello!

Joey

Where've you been?

Chandler

The doctor.

Ross

Is everything okay?

Chandler

Oh, yes. Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep. Two nipples, no waiting.

Monica

Wow. Just like Rachel in high school.

Rachel

What?

Monica

Come on, I was kidding. It was such an obvious joke.

Chandler

That was an obvious joke. And I didn't think of it. Why didn't I think of it? [Points at his chest] The source of all my powers. Oh, dear, what have I done?