RachelWell, okay how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to professor Pit Stains and his, "hey, everybody! remember that thing that's been dead for a gazillion years? Well, here's a little bone we didn't know it had!"
First of all, it's professor Pitain. And second off all, that little bone proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings [puts hands up slightly] but didn't fly. [puts them down]
Rachel
Okay, see, now, what I just heard: blah-blah-blah blah-blah-blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah.
Rachel
I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross. No, you're making this too hard.
Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard? Okay what do you want me to do?
Rachel
I don't know. I don't know. Look, ugh! Maybe we should just take a break.
Ok, Ok you're right. Let's take a break. Let's cool off, OK? Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
Rachel
[pause] No. A break from us.
Don't you realize none of this would've ever happened if I didn't think at that same moment you were having sex with Mark?
Rachel
All right. Let's say I had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?
Rachel
You'd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?
Rachel
If you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were...
(He covers his ears and yells) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because it's, I mean it's you.
Rachel
No. I can't. You're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me. Ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing you with her. I can't. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever.
Yeah, but this...this can't be it.
Rachel
Then how come it is?
I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we were broken up.
Rachel
We were on a break.
That, for all I knew, could last forever. That, to me, is a breakup.
Rachel
You think you're gonna get out of this on a technicality?
I'm not trying to "get out" of anything, okay? I thought our relationship was dead.
Rachel
Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.
[Chandler lights a cigarette]
Chandler, what are you doing?
[realizes he's smoking] Oh my God!
Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm smoking still.
Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
Look, I'm telling you, this is just like my parents' divorce, which is when I first started smoking in the first place.
[with the cigarette sticking out of his mouth] Yeah. I'm telling you something, that first smoke after naptime.
[a knock on the door is heard]
Oh, that's great. With my luck, that's gonna be him.
No, "Hymn" 253: "His eyes are on the Sparrow." When my parents got divorced, I started using humor as a defense mechanism.
[Chandler opens the door and it turns out to be Rachel]
Rachel
Hi. Uh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because my sister's on hold and she said that we can have her cabin for the weekend, and go skiing. Huh? I'm asking you first, right? I mean, I'm playing by the rules.
[Chandler starts smoking in front of Rachel]
Rachel
Chandler! You're smoking? What are you doing?
Hey, shut up! You're not my real mom.
You know, I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well guess what, you're not my girlfriend any more, so...
Rachel
Oh I see, so this suit is making a point. Now that you're on your own, you're free to look as stupid as you'd like.
[to Monica] You like it, right?
Absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders.
And for the record, it took two people to break this relationship!
Rachel
Yeah! You and that girl from the copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!
I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for! I didn't finish the letter!
Rachel
What?
Rachel
You fell a-SLEEP?!
It was five-thirty in the morning! And you had rambled on for eighteen pages! Front and back! [leaves the room, then turns around] And by the way, y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e is "you are". Y-o-u-r is "your"!
Rachel
I can't believe I even thought of getting back together with you! We are soooo over!
[fakes beginning of sniveling and interrupts it saying...] FINE BY ME!
Rachel
And those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're home on Saturday nights playing scrabble with Monica!
Rachel
Sorry! But I feel bad about all that sleep you'll miss wishing you were with me!
Oh, no, don't worry about me "falling asleep." I still have your letter! [walks out]
Rachel
And, hey, just so you know -- it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal! [slams door, revealing Chandler behind it]
Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Alright, alright. I got stung. I got stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk.
We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.
And I was tired from digging a huge hole!
And then Joey remembered something...
I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel.
Wait a minute, I saw that, on The Discovery Channel. About jellyfish, and how if you... Eww! You peed on yourself?
You can't say that! You don't know! I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't...bend that way. So...
PRPhoebe, Ross, Rachel
[turning to the guys] Eww!
Yeah that's right. I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help. And if I have to I'd pee on any one of you. Only, I couldn't... I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure. So, so I turned to Chandler.
[moans] Joey kept screaming at me. Do it now, do it, do it, do it, do it now! Sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming.
[chuckles] That's cause sometimes I scream it through my wall just to freak you out.
Rachel
Maybe there's someone you can talk to.
Yeah like who? There's no group for people like us.
Rachel
Wow, they really got you guys, your T.V., the chairs...
Yeah. Your microwave, the stereo...
Aw, man! He took the five of spades!
[looks through deck]
Oh no, no, here it is.
Rachel
You know what else is really great about him? Oh, what is the word for an adult who doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Oh... [knocks his fists together at Rachel]
Rachel
What was that?
It's this dumb thing that Ross made up just to try to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger without actually having to give it. [to Ross] I remember I cried the night you made that up. It was the first time I realized I was cooler than my big brother.
Well, I'm gonna go get ready... [knocks his fists at Monica]
Friends · 771 quotes
