Lacey quotes from Corner Gas

Davis

Get her!

Karen

Yeah! Get her!

Lacey

Oh, have a heart!

Brent

That's "hurry hard".

Please. You guys think I don't know what's going on? It's obvious the whole town has conspired to convince me not to live here. The weird sexcapades of Brent and his friends.

People tossing their kids out. And the constant smothering by this woman who dresses all slutty.

Lacey

[fake laugh] Flirty...!

Oscar

Back in the '70s, I wrote a tune called Mona the Monkey. Next thing you know, I turn on the radio and there's Earl the Squirrel.

Karen

That's not exactly what we in the police business call "hard evidence".

Davis

It's not even soft evidence.

Oscar

Mona the Monkey? Earl the Squirrel?

Lacey

Casper the Ghost. Dennis the Menace.

Karen

Tony the Tiger.

Davis

Winnie the Pooh.

Lacey

Soup of the Day.

Oscar

You're all smart. Maybe Tony the Pooh doesn't know when he's being ripped off, ever think about that?

Lacey

Maybe just a half cup for you today.

Brent

To victory.

Lacey

To perfect attendance.

Wanda

[drunk] To the internal combustion engine, baby!

Lacey

Hey what do you guys know about this harvest dance?

Brent

Well uh there's a harvest and then we have a dance. I'm not sure where we came up with the name.

Oscar

You just bought $10,000 worth of stocks in 20 seconds. Congratulations: You're the stupidest man in the world!

Hank

Oh yeah? Let's see you do it faster!

Oscar

Fast is not the point. You have to know what you're investing in. Study the numbers.

Lacey

Hank, your cousin just called, he said 11 bucks.

Hank

[laughs]

Oscar

Gimme a thousand of this one, … uh … a thousand of this one, uhh … uhh … and two thousand of these.

Lacey

Do you want some decaf?

Brent

Decaf? The "caf" is what I need! The caf is the whole point of this. I'm not just jonesing for some hot brown liquid, with or without caf. I need the caf!

Lacey

You need therapy. [puts a glass of milk on the counter]

Brent

That's not caf, it's for a calf.

Hank

Is Aruba near Cuba?

Lacey

They don't arrange countries phonetically.

Hank

It would be cool if they did, though. Then Canada would be next to … Granada.

Lacey

It's Grenada.

Hank

Yeah, right! And we live in Ca-nay-da. So, did he tell you where he was going next?

Lacey

Yeah! Yeah, he just landed in Madrid, which is right next to, uh … Fadrid.

Hank

Oh! Lucky skunk.

Lacey

Hank? He's not lucky: He's delusional.

Brent

So what other cats are in this club?

Wanda

Right now? Just me and Lacey.

Lacey

We're training for the fun run.

Brent

Geez, there's two words that don't belong together.

Hank

With your knowledge of city stuff, and my knowledge of non-city stuff, we know all stuff!

Lacey

We know all stuff. Wow, that does sound tempting, but I'm not really drawn to a night of drinking beer and watching TV.

Hank

Well, there are prizes.

Lacey

What kind of prizes?

Hank

Beer and a TV.

Lacey

I feel like we don't connect…

Lacey

Mistletoe.

Brent

Hey, is that fake or real? Cause if that's real, it's probably my mom's.

Lacey

I better take it down.

Brent

Here, I'll get that.

Lacey

Are you sure?

Lacey

Brent, be careful.

Brent

I got it.

Emma

Same damn thing every year.

Emma

This one's broken. [referring to a toy that's in a community donation box]

Wanda

Let's sing Christmas carols.

Lacey

Who would give a broken toy to a needy child?

Karen

You mean a cheap child.

Oscar

It's one of those motor goats; his head's come off. [chuckles]

Wanda

I think if you look in the neck hole, you'll see there's a twenty in there.

Wanda

[singing] Joy to the world, the Lord has come …

Brent

[to Lacey] I can see what you mean about the weird stuff reminding you.

Lacey

Hank was right, my newspaper was late this morning.

Brent

Yeah, well, you can thank my dad. He's your eager 12-year-old.

Lacey

Really? Ha! That is so sweet. Sweet and a little bit sad. Mostly sad.

Brent

Yeah, we're all very proud.

Lacey

Why should I pay you? These tips are for my service.

Can I get a coffee?

Lacey

In a sec!

Wanda

Come on! Betty or Veronica? Anyone can think of that.

Lacey

This is what I'm saying.

Hank

Yeah? Well, I don't need this! I quit!

Lacey

You're quitting a job you never had.

Hank

It's finally sinking in, isn't it? No more questions from me.

Lacey

[to Wanda] Thanks for sticking up for me.

Wanda

I got your back, sister! [they high-five]

Wanda

I'm full of wit.

Lacey

Rhymes with wit.