Oscar quotes from Corner Gas

Oscar

Daisy arch? You'll never get me under one of those death traps.

Oscar

This is not about revenge. This is about getting even.

Oscar

I rub my left elbow, bunt; I rub my right elbow, bursitis. Bunt, bursitis. Bursitis, bunt.

Oscar

Not now. I'm downloading a Google.

Oscar

[referring to the gnome] That thing can sleep down here, I mean stay down here.

Oscar

Who's punching your horses now?

Oscar

[seeing a pregnant woman] Headcount! One... and a half. Let's go.

Oscar

The world's a dirty place Lacey. Things happen. Things you don't want to know about. Money changes hands; people look the other way; cats go missing.

Oscar

Hey, let's have eggs in bed. And don't bother scrambling them; we'll get the bed to do it.

Oscar

[writing a letter] Dear Slumbermatic Bed People. I have been having the best sleeps because of your bed. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying this, but setting nine is my favourite. [knocking at the door] Come in! Oh, I guess I should say that out loud... Gotta go, my soup is here. PS: It's tomato.

Hank

There's freaky abstract art on the walls, and she put these weird cloths on the table.

Brent

Yeah.

Hank

It's too much. She's turned the coffee shop into a gay bar.

Oscar

Who is?!

Hank

Oh yeah, well, I got two words for ya. Boycott! I'm gonna put this place outta business.

Brent

Hank if you had the power to put companies outta business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?

Wanda

Yeah and deodorant?

Emma

Clean underwear.

Brent

Books.

Wanda

Pants that fit.

Emma

Nail clippers.

Brent

Dandruff shampoo.

Wanda

Uummm...dental floss.

Emma

Toilet paper.

Oscar

Pickup trucks.

Emma

[groans]

Brent

You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?

Oscar

Shut up.

Oscar

[to Emma] Your son is turning the gas station into a movie theatre!

Brent

Bear in mind that Dad has a tendency to overstate things.

Oscar

I have never overstated a single thing in the history of the planet!

Marvin Drey the Taxman

I can appreciate that you don't wanna help me. I get that a lot, sometimes I get outright hostility, just because of my job.

Brent

Well, no offence but I mean I can't just turn over my father. There's a bond between father and son that's strong and sacred.

Oscar

Hey, idiot! You left the lid on the dumpster up last night! Crows have scattered garbage all over the place and I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean it up. It'll be you out there on your hands and knees scrapin' up crow crap!

Brent

I'll tell you whatever you need to know.

Oscar

Davis just gave me a parking ticket. What's he trying to pull? My taxes pay his salary!

Brent

Geez, Dad, you gotta stop paying everyone's salary. You're only one man.