Davis quotes from Corner Gas

Davis

How come you never let me use the siren?

Davis

No permit, no fireworks. Now, if you can gently carry them and very carefully place them in the trunk of the police car while I stand way over here, that'd be great.

Karen

He's going 120!

Davis

Yep.

Karen

Aren't you gonna pull him over?

Davis

Nooo.

Karen

Why not?

Davis

I can't move right now.

Davis

At least I'm not...

Karen

Blonde? Thin? Pretty?

Davis

I'm pretty...

Davis

I was young and bored, thin and pretty.

Wanda

What the hell happened?

Davis

How much did it cost to get these pictures blown up?

Karen

'K, but look, the water tower's unmarked.

Davis

You got 'em dry mounted, that's like twenty bucks each.

Karen

Why would someone paint 'Grad 68' if it wasn't '68?

Davis

I don't know but if you figure that out you'll be halfway to I don't give a damn.

Karen

What we have to consider is who, and why.

Davis

And... who cares.

Davis

Do you think my new cell phone is small?

Karen

I don't know.

Davis

Brent's got a smaller one. I mean I wasn't looking at it on purpose, he had it out and I just glanced at it.

Karen

Right.

Davis

But mine is small right? I mean how small would you say is normal? You get an inaccurate idea because you see smaller ones in movies and magazines and stuff. But for a normal person's cell phone mine is small, smaller than average.

Karen

I don't think anyone really cares as long as it works.

Karen

I can't believe you're sending me in without back-up.

Davis

It's just a fishing trip, Karen.

Karen

But it's with Hank, twelve hours, killing fish.

Davis

If it gets to you, you don't have to kill 'em, just throw 'em into the lake.

Karen

I wasn't worried about the fish.

Davis

I wasn't talking about the fish.

Davis

Uh … I came to use your skate sharpener.

Oscar

Getting ready for the season opener, eh? Geez, I can't wait.

Davis

I heard we almost lost Brent.

Oscar

What do you mean?

Davis

The Stonewood Saints asked him to play for their team.

Oscar

They what? Sons of... How would they like it if we went there and burnt down their rink?

Karen

That genuinely seems like an appropriate response to you?

Davis

[after losing the Grey Cup tickets] Well, I'll have to go to a scalper.

Karen

Isn't it weird for you to go to a scalper?

Davis

Why? Because I'm a Cree man? I resent that!

Karen

Because you're a police officer and scalping tickets is illegal.

Davis

Oh yeah.

Karen

I know you're my senior officer, so I say this with all due respect: How stupid are you? You can't just fire your gun off willy-nilly!

Davis

It wasn't willy-nilly. It was at crows.

Emma

First of all I'd like to thank Davis. I don't know how you managed all this with the money we gave you. You'd think he spent half of next years police budget on our wedding.

Davis

Haha heh heh heh ha.

Oscar

How'd you lose your sense of smell in the first place?

Davis

I got hit in the face with a ball.

Oscar

Then what you need to do is get hit with a ball again.

Davis

I don't think that'll work.

Oscar

Why not?

Davis

Because this isn't Gilligan's Island.

Davis

I feel strange. I smell burning toast

Oscar

Oh, now the big guy's gonna have a seizure. Wait I smell it too.

Emma

Damn thing.

Davis

Do you know what this means.

Oscar

I caught your epilepsy.