Hank quotes from Corner Gas

Hank

Jeez! Next time why don't you just throw a snake at me!

Hank

I stand by my work... had I done it.

Hank

I was just gonna suggest a good old-fashioned beating. Or we put on the cloaks and pretend to sacrifice him for the crops, you know, scare him off.

Hank

Blink twice if you're in danger.

Hank

You blinked like 13 times; I don't know what that means.

Hank

Nobody's reading this blog are they, question mark? Is there anybody out there, question mark? I'm getting a sandwich.

Hank

Hey my knitters!

Brent

Want me to fill it up?

Sure. You know, I've never driven across Saskatchewan before.

Brent

Well, you still haven't, really. About halfway to go yet.

Sure is flat.

Brent

How do you mean?

You know, flat. Nothing to see.

Brent

What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.

Hank

How do you mean?

Brent

Topographically, I guess. He says there's nothin' to see.

Hank

There's lots to see. There's nothin' to block your view.

Brent

There's lots to see. Nothin' to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They're uh … Well, what the hell? I could've sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin' up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin' of a postcard I saw or somethin'. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin' that out.

You guys always this sarcastic?

Brent

Nothin' else to do.

Hank

There's freaky abstract art on the walls, and she put these weird cloths on the table.

Brent

Yeah.

Hank

It's too much. She's turned the coffee shop into a gay bar.

Oscar

Who is?!

Hank

Oh yeah, well, I got two words for ya. Boycott! I'm gonna put this place outta business.

Brent

Hank if you had the power to put companies outta business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?

Wanda

Yeah and deodorant?

Emma

Clean underwear.

Brent

Books.

Wanda

Pants that fit.

Emma

Nail clippers.

Brent

Dandruff shampoo.

Wanda

Uummm...dental floss.

Emma

Toilet paper.

Oscar

Pickup trucks.

Emma

[groans]

Brent

You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?

Oscar

Shut up.

Lacey

I mean, come on, a boycott? Look, I'm not clubbing baby seals and I'm not using Honduran children to make sneakers.

Hank

You could be clubbing baby seals with Honduran children; I don't care about that!

Oscar

Here you go, jackass. Read 'em and weep!

Marvin Drey the Taxman

Jackass?

Brent

It's not just you. Remember the butterfly.

Hank

Plan 'B'.

Oscar

What the hell are you doing?! Those are the real papers! Jackass!

Brent

See? It's not just you.

Hank

I don't even want to get into your pants.

Brent

And you're not going to with that kind of whining.

World's biggest gopher.

Hank

No, Stumpwood already has the world's biggest gopher.

Lacey

Well how big is it?

Hank

I don't know exactly, but its head's made of a Volkswagen.

Lacey

That's a big gopher.

Lacey

Right now we're reading Life of Pi.

Hank

Oh, a detective novel.

What?

Hank

You know, PI. Private investigator.

Over-celebrating a bit for a tie, aren't we boys?

Hank

You're just upset because you didn't win! You poor tie-ers!

Brent

Yeah, sleep well tonight knowing you don't suck less than we do!