Wanda quotes from Corner Gas

Wanda

Here's an obvious question. Have you even tried looking for the papers?

Wanda

It's a premature! [meaning offside]

Wanda

Emma thinks this bowl is enchanted by flavour fairies of the forest

Wanda

[in Emma's garden after drinking Haywire, an energy drink] I like working outside Brent! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the sky is bleeding and the grass is screaming!

Wanda

Do me a favor put your neck between my hands.

Hank

Oh yeah, well, I got two words for ya. Boycott! I'm gonna put this place outta business.

Brent

Hank if you had the power to put companies outta business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?

Wanda

Yeah and deodorant?

Emma

Clean underwear.

Brent

Books.

Wanda

Pants that fit.

Emma

Nail clippers.

Brent

Dandruff shampoo.

Wanda

Uummm...dental floss.

Emma

Toilet paper.

Oscar

Pickup trucks.

Emma

[groans]

Brent

You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?

Oscar

Shut up.

Davis

I was young and bored, thin and pretty.

Wanda

What the hell happened?

Brent

Aw, did you have to use the scary Santa.

Brent

That thing gives me the heebee-Jojeebees.

Wanda

What? It's festive.

Brent

Yeah, the way human sacrifice is considered festive in some cultures.

Wanda

If anyone wants to give Oscar $1.20 to shut up about the bottle thing, he's in the corner.

Oscar

I'm a senior!

Wanda

Now, I just need to finish the set design. I'm thinking something shiny. Bright colours, red, green, flashing lights...

Brent

So, old Christmas decorations.

Wanda

Yeah!

Brent

Fine, you deck the halls but I'm not donning any gay apparel.

Wanda

Okay.

Brent

The sign! I just saw the sign!

Lacey

What kind of sign? The sign of the times?

Wanda

The first sign of trouble?

Lacey

The sign of the apocalypse?

Brent

No, and for the record, if I do see a sign of the apocalypse, I will say "The Sign is Nigh."

Come for the oil change, stay for the grease

Brent

Hey, what do you think of my new slogan?

Lacey

I'm changing the sign.

Brent

Come on, it's a joke! People like that kind of thing. Plus, I was careful to choose a slogan where the letters couldn't be rearranged to spell anything embarrassing.

Wanda

What slogan?

Brent

"Come for the oil change, stay for the grease."

Wanda

"Choose Glenn Frey for a ménage à trois."

Wanda

Don't bother checking it, it's right. Another option would be: "My thighs are hot for goat felons."

Lacey

Phobias are irrational, they don't have to make sense. Don't you guys have any?

Brent

Fears? Not really. I mean, just the standard stuff, you know. Pirates, vampires, Sasquatch, intimacy, commitment.

Lacey

What about you?

Wanda

None come to mind. Being intimate with a Sasquatch.

Davis

Fear is natural. It's what makes us human. It's what separates us from the animals.

Wanda

That, and opposable thumbs. And pants.

Hank

Rollerblading.

Wanda

Any kind of bipedal locomotion.

Karen

We can make fire. Animals can't make fire.

Hank

Well, if you don't count dragons.

Wanda

Actually, there's a lot that separates us from animals.

Davis

You had me at pants.

Oscar

Who leaves a pair of pants by the side of the road?

Brent

That is weird. Picking up a stranger's pants and carrying 'em around all day, that's perfectly normal.

Oscar

Can't just leave 'em there, that's pants, be a waste. Waste of pants.

Wanda

Nobody likes pant waste.

Brent

Yeez I hope it's not genetic.

Wanda

Are you kidding? You're getting more like him every day.

Brent

Oh don't be a jackass!