From now on, April 1st is now March 32nd.
“The Science of Illusion” · Season 1, Episode 20
In this episode: Dean Pelton (2), Abed (1), Britta (1), Annie (1), Shirley (1)
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Cancer!" "Oh good, come on in, I thought it was Britta!"
[In his office, the Dean is talking to Annie and Shirley about their bad job as on-campus security guards. Abed watches while eating popcorn]
I see how that would be frustrating, but the fact is-
[Suggesting the lines to the Dean] Your ass is on the line.
My ass is on the line!
You just got off the phone with the mayor.
I just got off the phone with the- what, the mayor?! Stop doing that!
I'm trying to help. You're not doing this right.
[sarcastically] Well, maybe you should do it.
[Abed hands the Dean his bag of popcorn, then slams a hand on the table and starts speaking to Annie and Shirley in an African-American accent]
I'm sick and tired of making excuses for you two! You're an embarrassment to the department! You're off the case and off the force! Your badges and your windbreakers now! [Annie and Shirley hesitate] Now! I ain't got all day! Agitating my sciatica... I'm too old for this! Now, get out of my sight! Thought you were badasses, huh? Real badasses work together. All I see is a housewife and a girl scout.
[offended] Hey!
Abed!
I said get out! And don't ever think about getting near this case, huh!
[Annie and Shirley exit the Dean's office]
Pretty harsh.
[Talking normally] Whatever, that's what they needed.
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