Hey, any of you guys tried that new steakhouse on Commonwealth?
No.
It's great. Beautiful waitresses in tiny little wench outfits.
Yeah, what did you have?
Beautiful waitress in a tiny little wench outfit. I'm going back too.
S9 E16I'm Getting My Act Together and Sticking It in Your Face
Woody, I think it was a great sacrifice for you to give your clothes to Rebecca. It puts me in mind of another novel by my favorite British author. You know who I mean. I'll give you a hint, Charles...
In Charge?
Are you people really this ignorant or do you do this just to torture me?
Sometimes the two go hand in hand.
S9 E17Sam Time Next Year
I don't know, Dr. Crane. Haven't you ever thought that it's kind of tough on them - doing all that counseling stuff? I mean I was raised to believe that if you have a problem, you lock it away in a secret place. You keep it bottled up good and tight. And if it gets full in there, you just keep forcing the pain down and clamping it in.
Good advice, Woody. [to Norm] Tick... tick... tick.
Ah Frasier, here you are. Where are the dysfunctional men?
Throw a rock.
S9 E18Crash of the Titans
I think your humor is expressive of a hidden hostility toward Rebecca. Or perhaps deep down you fear she really is capable of taking this bar from you.
Put a suit on a woman and she thinks she's God.
Frasier, are you going to let him talk to me like this?
She's also this way when the suit comes off, Sam.
Buy yourself a melon in case you misplace your head.
Tell me Carla, clinically speaking are you considered a dwarf or a midget?
Say is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?
Somebody phone the authorities in Paris. The gargoyle has just fallen off Notre Dame and is now taking drink orders.
You know two heads like that would make a perfectly good butt.
Shrike.
Bullet head.
Slattern.
Hatchet face.
Well must be off. Till next month then.
He's good people.
S9 E19It's a Wonderful Wife
My hat check girl is missing from her post. You haven't perchance seen her?
What's that supposed to mean? Every time something goes wrong in your restaurant it's my fault. Like I'm the one who's supposed to keep track of your employees. You know that really ticks me off.
[A girl comes out of Sam's office]
KMiss Kenderson
Sam, I can't get the sofa bed to fold back up.
Are you ready?
Yeah I just shaved. How does my face look?
As smooth as your girlfriend Kelly's bottom.
Is that a joke?
But of course it is. You have to shave much closer.
S9 E20Cheers Has Chili
[about the former pool room] It's a tearoom.
Thanks for not making me guess.
So what do you think?
You want my honest first impression, my gut reaction?
Yes, I do.
I hate it. I hate it! I hate it!!
I don't understand why nobody wants to come back to my beautiful tearoom.
Well Rebecca, a restaurant should be like a mistress. See one shouldn't feel she's over eager to please. It's far more enticing if you need her more than she needs you.
Who is this she you're talking about, Frasier?
Purely hypothetical.
It's a little strange for a happily married man to go prattling on about a mistress.
Oh come on, hon. Give me this one. You already heard me admit I was whipped in front of the boys.
That was good.
S9 E21Carla Loves Clavin
I have a new industrial paint sprayer. It gets the job done in a couple of hours.
Very clever.
It was invented by the Japanese so they could paint more efficiently, more quickly.
Whereas you will use it to drink more beers, watch more TV, and put off everything until the very last minute.
Right. You see they're way ahead of us in technology but they don't have our creativity.
Well that Paul, is the history of Western Civilization in a nutshell. You were right to come to me.
I didn't come to you, Cliff. I was waiting to use the phone.
S9 E22Pitch It Again, Sam
Two grown men settling a rivalry by throwing a little white ball at a wooden stick. How pathetic. Now boxing, that's a man's sport. Punch a guy in the face and scramble his brains. That proves something.
Fraze, you're really coming around buddy.
Thank you.
Hey guys did I miss anything?
Sam hasn't started yet. Where've you been?
I've been visiting the other team. Ran into somebody I used to get hot and sweaty with.
Who's that?
The other team.
S9 E23Rat Girl
What just happened here guys?
Well you got shot down, Sam.
You know you read about those things but you never think they're going to happen to you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.