Woody Boyd quotes from Cheers

Woody

My first bachelor party. No dates, right?

Woody

You know Dr. Crane, once back in Hanover I wanted to catch some rats and I started to play a flute and a bunch of them followed me out of town...and some children too. Oh wait, was that a movie? No, it happened.

Sam

Woody, this is Carla Tortelli.

Woody

Hi ma'am.

Carla

Ma'am? What's that supposed to mean?

Woody

I believe it's a term of respect.

Carla

No wonder it sounded so weird.

Norm

What do you supposed happened to him?

Cliff

It's obvious, isn't it? My father didn't trust me so he gave me the slip out of the bathroom window. I guess I'll, uh, just go home. (dejected, he starts to leave)

Carla

But, you're ruling out the other possibility.

Cliff

What other possibility?

Carla

Well, it's a little known fact, but more and more people have been going into men's rooms and vaporizing. I mean just disappearing into thin air. It's an unexplained phenomenon.

Norm

It's kinda like, uh, the Bermuda Triangle.

Carla

That's right.

Cliff

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get serious, will you.

Carla

Have it your way.

Cliff

Well, you know, however, uh, this much is true: you know, uh, it's been recent sightings of, uh, human beings being, uh, shot up into the underbelly of alien spacecraft. You know, and speaking of the Bermuda Triangle... it's not technically a triangle.

Woody

It's not?

Cliff

Heck no! It's a "trapazedarhomboid". Perfect for, uh, attracting Martian spacecraft.

Norm

Come on, man. Don't tell me you keep your money in your shoe.

Woody

Boy, you guys really do think I just fell off the turnip truck. [he pulls a white cloth out of his shoe] This is where I keep the map of where the money's buried in my back yard.

Frasier

Everyone, I'd like you to meet my date, Dr. Lilith Sternin: MD, PhD, EDD, APA.

Woody

Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds.

Diane

Does Sam's behavior give you pause? Methinks the man doth protest too much.

Woody

Excuse me, Miss Chambers, but shouldn't it be "I thinks"?

Carla

Not in your case, Woody.

Diane

[about Jack Dalton] There's not much to say. He's a man I dated a bit in Europe.

Woody

Was that before or after you dumped Dr. Crane and sent him into an alcoholic tailspin?

Diane

After.

Frasier

How long after?

Diane

Days.

Woody

Mr. Dalton, you've had so many bizarre and terrifying experiences.

Some people say I have a death wish. Far from it, I have a life wish.

Cliff

So does Normy.

Norm

What?

Cliff

He wishes he had one.

Woody

Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?

Norm

Okay Woody but be sure to stop me at 1. Ah, make that 1:30.

Woody

Looks like Sammy got his walking papers. I know how he feels.

Norm

Yeah I think we've all been there before, Woody.

Cliff

Well it's never happened to me, so I guess I'll just have to imagine it.

Norm

Cliffie, you actually have to go with someone before you can get dumped.

Woody

How you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?

Norm

Pour.

Woody

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Norm

[pointing to the beer tap] No, I meant pour.

Norm

Are you in pain, Woody?

Woody

No, I was just thinkin'.

Norm

Yeah, the first time's always the worst.

Woody

Who do you think Sam's gonna propose to, tonight?

Carla

What're you babblin' about, Billy Bob Joe Jim?

Cliff

Today marks the beginning of my seventh year as a United States postal carrier.

Norm

Woody, I think that calls for a little drink on the house. What do you think?

Woody

I think you're right, Mr. Peterson.

Norm

What the hell, give Cliffie one too.

Woody

What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?

Norm

Zsa Zsa marries a millionaire. Peterson drinks a beer. Film at 11.