Norm Peterson quotes from Cheers

Norm

I know what you mean, Sam. Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it's really no fun lying to them anymore.

Norm

It's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.

Norm

Well, maybe it isn't exactly my place to say this. But, Cheers means about as much to me as much as anyone here. This is pretty bad news. I'd say bad news like this deserves a sympathy round of drinks on the house.

Norm

Women. You can't live with them...pass the beer nuts.

Coach

Norm, you're in here every night, doesn't your wife ever wonder where you're at?

Norm

Wonders... doesn't care, but she wonders.

Coach

How's life treating you Norm?

Norm

Like I ran over its dog.

Sam

Say didn't we used to have a weekly Elizabethan poet night?

Norm

It started getting too rowdy.

Cliff

I remember the night you were charged with practicing iambic pentameter without a license.

Norm

[looking for a last-minute date for his boss] Carla, do you suppose...

Carla

No no Norm, don't look at me. I got four kids and I sure ain't lookin' for any more.

Norm

I didn't say to have sex with the guy.

Carla

It doesn't matter. I'm what you call a fast breeder. A man winks at me, I'm three months along.

Diane

Well, what I can't fathom is how one can drink ice-cold beer in freezing weather.

Norm

Cliff, explanation, please?

Diane

Now, how do you know he has one?

Norm

Five bucks says he does, ten says that it's a doozy.

Cliff

When the British ruled the Punjab...

Norm

Ten bucks, all the way.

Coach

What's the story, Norm?

Norm

A thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.

Norm

[about the player piano] Sammy, why do you keep something around here that doesn't work?

Carla

[about Diane] Because no one else will give her a job.

What if I bought this guy a beer?

Norm

Buy me a pitcher and you can kiss me on the lips.

Sam

Oh, sir, save your quarter. That piano hasn't worked in twenty years.

Carla

Use the jukebox. It doesn't work, either, but it's only a dime.

Norm

[about the player piano] Sammy, why do you keep something around here that doesn't work?

Carla

[about Diane] Because no one else will give her a job.

Cliff

[to Eric] We swear not a word you say will ever go beyond this room.

Norm

We never go beyond this room.

Coach

What's going on, Norm?

Norm

Science is seeking a cure for thirst and I happen to be the guinea pig.