Sam Malone quotes from Cheers

Sam

Boy I'd love to Mort but I don't have any time around here. I spend half my life trying to keep this bar on its feet and the other half trying to keep Diane off hers.

Sam

I'll tell you something else I haven't had much experience: saying 'No' to women. The closest I've come is 'Not now, we're landing.'

Sam

I'll tell you something else I haven't had much experience saying no to women. The closest I've come is "Not now, we're landing."

Sam

[on the phone] Can you tell me which is the more dominant flower: the Mountain Lilly or the Black-Eyed Susan?

Sam

It's a sad world we live in when Sam Malone becomes the voice of reason.

Sam

[to Diane] They can stop me from killing you, but they can't stop me from marrying you.

Sam

The point is you've got to get to know each other better if you're going to take a big step like this. You gotta get past this early infatuation and get to the point where you're sick and tired of each other; then you're ready for marriage. Look at Diane and me, we waited five years to get married. If it were up to me we'd wait another five.

Sam

[to Rebecca] What do you say? Shall we strip down to our smiles and show the couch here a good time?

Sam

[to Rebecca] The way I see it, you haven't had a date with a guy for about two and half years. Now I think this date of ours could be good for me but sweetheart, I got to say it's looking real necessary for you.

Sam

[to Rebecca] Let's try this. Have sex with me 25 times and if the end of the night you're still not sure then I won't say another thing.

Sam

[about Rebecca] It doesn't seem fair, does it? I spent three years loosening the cap on that peanut butter jar and right now she's stickin' to the roof of somebody else's mouth.

Sam

What is it with people nowadays? When I was a kid we used to keep our door unlocked all the time. We used to get ripped off a lot but we could at least get out of the damn house.

Sam

[To Rebecca, after he learns she burned down the bar] Of all the stupid things you've done in your useless life... this is your masterpiece.

Sam

Well?

Diane

"You're a magnificent pagan beast."

Sam

Thanks. What's the message?

Coach

[to Diane] Oh, hi there.

Diane

Hello.

Coach

[noticing her luggage] I hope someone told you the bus goes by here.

Sam

No, Coach, she's going to be sitting here for a while...

Diane

[taps on her glass to get Sam's attention] Excuse me. I hate to keep asking for special attention, but could you not discuss my private life with everyone that comes in?

Sam

What would you like me to tell them?

Diane

I don't care.

Sam

[to Coach] She's a hooker.

Coach

Ah.