Cliff Clavin quotes from Cheers

Sam

Say didn't we used to have a weekly Elizabethan poet night?

Norm

It started getting too rowdy.

Cliff

I remember the night you were charged with practicing iambic pentameter without a license.

Diane

Well, what I can't fathom is how one can drink ice-cold beer in freezing weather.

Norm

Cliff, explanation, please?

Diane

Now, how do you know he has one?

Norm

Five bucks says he does, ten says that it's a doozy.

Cliff

When the British ruled the Punjab...

Norm

Ten bucks, all the way.

Cliff

[to Eric] We swear not a word you say will ever go beyond this room.

Norm

We never go beyond this room.

Cliff

Carla made love to a PhD from MIT?

Coach

Hey look you guys, if you can't say it in front of me don't say it at all.

Sam

[about some gay customers] What do you think I should say to them?

Diane

Oh well, it's very very simple. Just walk up and say hello we're a group of sniveling bigots and we don't care for your kind.

Cliff

That's good.

Cliff

The Hindus believe that what you come back as depends upon your behavior in this life. If you led a good life, you come back in an elevated state.

Coach

Like Colorado?

Cliff

No, Coach. Uh, more like a king or a prince. Conversely, if you've not led a good life, you come back in a more lowly condition.

Norm

[chuckling] Last time around, I must have made a real ass out of myself.

Cliff

I have impossibly high standards for a woman.

Norm

She has to like you, right?

Cliff

If I wasn't wearing this uniform, I'd ask you to step outside.

Norm

If you weren't wearing that uniform, we'd all step outside.

Sam

First of all nobody resigns from a bar and second of all nobody resigns in Latin.

Cliff

It's French, Sammy.

Cliff

I'll go with you I know CPR.

Norm

I'll go, I'm a CPA.

Cliff

[trying to scratch a bikini off a card] There's something wrong here. I can't get the bikini off my girl.

Norm

Story of your life, big guy.

Cliff

It doesn't seem fair, does it Norm?

Norm

What?

Cliff

Well that I should have so much knowledge when there are people in the world that have to go to bed stupid every night.

Carla

I have a way with inanimate objects.

Cliff

Maybe you'd like to take a crack at Norm here.

Cliff

Sometimes I'm ashamed God made me a man.

Carla

I don't think God's doing a whole lot of bragging about it either.

Cliff

[about women] They're only good for one thing.

Carla

And for you, not even that.