Diane [into telephone]: Yes, I'll take a message.
[Pause, then Diane hangs up the phone]
Well?
"You're a magnificent pagan beast."
Thanks. What's the message?
S1 E1Give Me a Ring Sometime
Norm, you're in here every night, doesn't your wife ever wonder where you're at?
Wonders... doesn't care, but she wonders.
[to Diane] Oh, hi there.
Hello.
[noticing her luggage] I hope someone told you the bus goes by here.
No, Coach, she's going to be sitting here for a while...
[taps on her glass to get Sam's attention] Excuse me. I hate to keep asking for special attention, but could you not discuss my private life with everyone that comes in?
What would you like me to tell them?
I don't care.
[to Coach] She's a hooker.
Ah.
S1 E2Sam's Women
My life isn't fun anymore. It's because of you.
Because of me?
Yeah, you're a snob.
A snob!
Yeah, that's right.
Well, you're a rapidly aging adolescent.
Well I would rather be that than a snob.
Well I would rather be a snob.
Good because you are.
Well I guess I've, uh, I've never looked at your eyes.
Is something wrong with them?
No I uh, I just don't think I've ever saw eyes that color before. Matter of fact I don't think I've ever seen that color before. Yes I have, yes I have.
Where?
I was uh, I was on a ski weekend, up at Stowe. I uh, was coming in late one day – uh, last person off the slope – the sun had just gone down. And the sky became this incredible color. I usually don't uh, notice things like that, and I found myself kind of walking around in the cold, hoping that it wouldn't change; wishing that I had someone there to share it with me. Afterwards I tried to convince myself I had imagined that color; that I hadn't really seen it. Nothing on this earth could be this beautiful. Now I see I was wrong. [Pause] Wouldn't work, huh?
What?
Intelligent women would see right through that.
Oh...oh! In a minute!
S1 E3The Tortelli Tort
Hi doctor.
GDr. Graham
Hi Diane. How are you?
In what sense?
GDr. Graham
Pardon me?
Oh you mean how are you, right. Not you know how are you. Well if that's what you meant, I'm fine.
How did you know that?
Well I picked it up in pre-law.
I thought you were an English major.
Well that was after art and before psychology.
Is there anything you weren't in college?
Blonde.
Check the yearbook, Carla.
EEd
[trying to get Carla to react] Sam Malone was a terrible pitcher! Ted Williams was overrated! Bobby Orr was a WIMP!
Uh, Eddie, Eddie, I'd stay away from hockey.
EEd
Aha! I hit a sore spot, huh? Okay. [to a still-calm Carla] The Bruins… are a bunch of ugly… stupid… SISSIES!!!
Come on, Ed! I mean, how much more do you need?
EEd
[sighs] Okay, Sam. I'm gonna drop the whole thing. Working here is punishment enough!
Carla, how did you do it?
Nothing to it! I mean, I've been working real hard on this, haven't I Doc? I mean we has some great sessions. I just used this little trick Dr. Graham showed me. I imagined a small point way off in the distance.
MIMan in pool room
Hey Carla, where's that beer I ordered?
SHUT UP, WE'RE CELEBRATING!! [tosses a beer mug to the man] And I just kept thinking of that point. He never fazed me, I'm telling you. A little deep breathing relaxation... [cut off by credits]
S1 E4Sam at Eleven
I'm sorry I was late, Sam. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Yeah, yeah but you wouldn't.
How's life treating you Norm?
Like I ran over its dog.
Sam, this could be a crucial moment in your life. It is vitally important that you handle your emotions properly. The worst thing that anyone in a situation like this could do right now is to repress his feelings.
[calmly] Diane, get out. Please?
You need to lash out, to release yourself. Scream.
[screams at the top of his lungs] Get out!
Wonderful. All right. Now, we need now to move away from the brute gut release of emotions into the more cerebral. Tell me in one sentence what you perceive to be your problem right now.
You won't leave.
Let's come back to that...
S1 E5Coach's Daughter
LLisa
Daddy, isn't it obvious to you?
Nothing is ever obvious to me.
LLisa
Look at me, Dad, I'm not--beautiful.
You look just like your mother.
LLisa
And Mom was not-- [Pause] comfortable with her beauty.
But that's what made her more beautiful. Your mother grew more beautiful every day of her life.
S1 E6Any Friend of Diane's
Rebecca, is there something wrong?
RPRebecca Prout
[sobbing] Oh Diane, you could always see beyond my facade of gaiety!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.