Cheers · Season 6
[about Diane] I was afraid I was going to walk in here today and see her face everywhere I looked. Instead what I saw was all these silly changes you made.
I happen to think it's...
No, no, it's good. It helped me. What I'm trying to say is this place is the closest thing I have close to a real home. I want to come back. Please.
I'm very sorry, Mr. Malone. I wish I could help.
[to Sam] Alright, I'll give you another chance. But I want to make something very clear - you've just got one chance left, and as far as I'm concerned, again, in baseball-ese: bottom of the 9th, you've got 2 outs, 2 strikes...and no balls.
Well you used to be the boss. How did you feel when people lied to you?
I had a rule, when anyone ever lied to me they had to go to bed with me.
That's one way to make sure it won't happen again.
What am I going to do about this?
Sam, may I suggest deception?
Well hold onto your horses there, Frasier. I mean as a psychiatrist isn't your job to seek and uphold the truth?
Get real, Cliff.
What is so bad? Twins means we're twice blessed.
Yeah, I had twins once and it was the happiest day of my life.
Hey Sam, what are you concocting there?
You know how superstitious Carla and Eddie are, I thought I'd mix them up a batch of my good luck wedding punch. It never fails.
Isn't that the same stuff you made when you were getting married to Miss Chambers?
[pause] Woody, you want to flush this down the toilet?
Here's to the most beautiful woman in the world. [Lilith throws the glass of wine in his face] Let me guess, you read the letter.
Lilith (furious): Yes, I read the letter, you licentious quack! And what facile tripe it is! "We both need time to grow, to develop as people!". Who is the slut!?
SHE'S NO SLUT! [quails slightly at Lilith's scowl] What slut? Well, I mean, look...it was all a mistake, it's just a big mistake...
Oh, you bet it is, mister! You want your freedom!? I'll give you freedom...FROM YOUR TEETH! [She picks up a dish and takes aim at Frasier]
NO, LILITH! Not the Royal Doulton!
Oh look there's your favorite hiding place in the closet. You used to be in there for hours.
It's cause you always locked the door on me, Ma.
Well look at the result. You're a very polite young man.
How you been there, Frasier?
You know how it is for a psychiatrist this day in age. Divorces. Hopelessness over financial situations. Rampant paranoia. Thriving, never better.
[about Lillith] Oh God I'm losing her, Sam.
Will you stop that? You're my friend, I'm never going to take a woman away from you.
What about Diane?
And didn't God punish me with a vengeance?
Well, yes, but gee whiz.
You can call me a traditionalist, call me out of step with the times but I prefer to get my women the old-fashioned way.
In a plain brown wrapper?
Woody, you have been coming in here dressed in that ridiculous getup for three weeks now. When are you going to stop this nonsense.
Carla, as an understudy I have to be dressed and ready to go on at a moments notice. Putting on makeup like this can take hours but I wouldn't expect you to understand.
Why? Cause I'm not in the theater?
No, because you don't wear makeup.
We had oodles of fun and we lost a combined 11 pounds to boot.
You lost weight on a cruise? I thought there were wall to wall meals?
There's also wall to wall waves.
What's got you so upset?
Some college professor has just published an article that refutes everything I said in my last paper.
Sounds like a shoot out at the Cuckoo Corral.
How's life treatin' ya?
It's not Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
