John Hill quotes from Cheers

Carla

Buy yourself a melon in case you misplace your head.

John Hill

Tell me Carla, clinically speaking are you considered a dwarf or a midget?

Carla

Say is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?

John Hill

Somebody phone the authorities in Paris. The gargoyle has just fallen off Notre Dame and is now taking drink orders.

Carla

You know two heads like that would make a perfectly good butt.

John Hill

Shrike.

Carla

Bullet head.

John Hill

Slattern.

Carla

Hatchet face.

John Hill

Well must be off. Till next month then.

Carla

He's good people.

John Hill

My hat check girl is missing from her post. You haven't perchance seen her?

Sam

What's that supposed to mean? Every time something goes wrong in your restaurant it's my fault. Like I'm the one who's supposed to keep track of your employees. You know that really ticks me off.

Sam, I can't get the sofa bed to fold back up.

Carla

What are you doing down here, Hill? Hair Club for Men meeting?

John Hill

Oh I didn't see you down there Miss Tortelli. Although frankly, [sniffs] you do announce your presence.

Carla

So have you decided what color you're going to dye your head for Easter?

John Hill

Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?

Carla

[Yelling in Mr. Hill's face] SAM! HILL'S HERE!

John Hill

For the next three hours I need you and the rest of the Cheers' chimps to hold down the noise. Right now I'm entertaining 200 elderly women from the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Sam

Givin' ‘em a first-hand account, John?

John Hill

Very amusing. Sam, this vent connects directly to my dining room and often we can hear everything you say down here. So tell your mailman to go to that side of the bar if he wants to describe his fungal infections.

Norm

You know, I have to second that.