Spike quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall be at its peak. When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the crucifixion. And I should know. I was there.

Spike

You were there? Please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion actually was there, it would've been like Woodstock.

I oughta rip your throat out.

Spike

I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and then I spent the next six hours watching my hand move.

Spike

[to Collin] So, who do you kill for fun around here?

Who are you?

Spike

Spike. You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.

Can you?

Spike

[glancing at Big Ugly] A lot faster than nancy-boy there. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag... [scoffs] Who am I kidding? I love to brag!

Angel

I taught you to always guard your perimeter. [tuts.] You should have someone out there.

Spike

I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?

Angel

Everything.

Spike

Yeah. Come up against this slayer yet?

Angel

She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave her the puppy dog "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.

Spike

People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!

Xander

[to Angel] I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.

Spike

You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!

Angel

Things change.

Spike

Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! Come on people! This isn't a spectator sport!

Spike

[holding a pole] Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of a nice ripe [turns to see Buffy, holding an axe] ...girl.

Buffy

Do we really need weapons for this?

Spike

I just like them, they make me feel all manly.

Spike

The last Slayer I killed - she begged for her life. You don't strike me as the begging kind.

Buffy

You shouldn't have come here.

Spike

No. I've messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored. I'll tell you what. As a personal favor from me to you, I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit.

Buffy

No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.

Drusilla

Spike, did she hurt you?

Spike

It was close, baby, but--

Drusilla

Aw, come here.

Spike

[sighs] A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.

Drusilla

You'll kill her. And then we'll have a nice celebration.

Spike

Yeah, a party.

Drusilla

Yeah, with streamers, and songs.

Spike

How's the Annoying One?

Drusilla

He's doesn't want to play.

Spike

[snorts] Figures. Well, suppose I better go make nice.

You failed.

Spike

I, um... I offer penance.

Penance?! You should lay down your life! Our numbers are depleted. The feast of St. Vigeous has been ruined by your impatience!

Spike

I was rash... and if I had to do it all over again. [laughing] Who am I kidding? I would do it, exactly the same. Only I'd do this first!

No!

Spike

From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual, and a little more fun around here.

[screaming]

Spike

Let's see what's on TV.

Drusilla

Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?

Spike

Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.

Yes, but ... The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn't that overkill?

Spike

No, I think it's just enough kill.

Angel

Leave her alone!

Spike

That'll work. Now say pretty please.

Angel

Take me instead.

Spike

Apparently, you're not familiar with the concept. There is no instead, only firsts and seconds.

Drusilla

And if you go first, you don't get to watch the Slayer die.

Spike

Hurts, doesn't it?

Well, you know, it kinda itches a little.

Spike

Don't just stand there. Burn him.

Gee, maybe he's broken.

Spike

What the hell is going on?

This one ... cannot be burnt. He is clean.

Spike

Clean? You mean, he's ...

There's no humanity in him.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Drusilla

Angelus.

Yeah, baby. I'm back.

Spike

No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?

What can I say, hmm? I was going through a phase.

Spike

You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?

She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.

Spike

Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'être, you know.

Spike, my boy, you really don't get it, do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl ... you have to love her.

Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.

Spike

Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.

Lacks... poetry.

Spike

It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?

Drusilla

Don't worry, Spike. Angel always knows...what speaks to a girl's heart.

Spike

Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.

Drusilla

But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.

Spike

What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!

Don't worry, Roller Boy. I've got everything under control. [ Molotov Cocktail lights the room on fire]

Spike

[as Angel viciously scrubs his face] You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated.

What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you.

Drusilla

What was it? A demon?

[still washing his face] Love!

Drusilla

Poor Angel.

Spike

It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends, they all don't have a rock this big.

Spike, boy you never did learn your history.

Spike

Let's have a lesson then.

Acathla, the demon, came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried where neither man nor :demon would want to look. Unless of course they're puttin' up low-rent housing. [to other vampires] Boys.

Drusilla

He fills my head. I can't hear anything else.

Spike

Let me guess, someone pulls out the sword...

Someone worthy.

Spike

...The demon wakes up and wackiness ensues.

Drusilla

He will swallow the world.

And every creature living on this planet will go to hell. My friends, we're about to make history... end.

Spike

I want to save the world.

Buffy

You do remember that you're a vampire, right?

Spike

We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision, with a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?