Oz quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

No, thank you. How's your arm?

Suddenly painless.

You can still play guitar okay?

Not well, but not worse.

You know, I never really thanked you.

Please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red and I have to bail. It's not pretty.

Well then forget-that thing. Especially the part where I kind of owe you my life.

[Oz pulls a cracker from the box, hoping to change the subject.]

Look. Monkey. And he has a little hat. And little pants.

Yeah. I see.

The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that... You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen... So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know the monkey's just, [in French accent] "I mock you with my monkey pants," then there's a big coup at the zoo...

The monkey's French?

All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?

S2 E10 What's My Line, Part Two

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I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.

Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say "yes."

Yeah, it helps. It ... it creates a comfort zone. ... Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?

[slaps forehead] Oh! I can't!

Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.

Oh ... It's just, it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party.

It's okay.

But you could come! If you wanted.

Well, I don't want to crash.

No, it's fine! You could be my ... my date.

All right. I'm in. [nods farewell when she indicates she's ready to leave]

[walks off, delighted with the encounter] I said "date"!

S2 E13 Surprise

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Are you okay?

Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?

Ohhh, well ... sort of.

Yep. Vampires are real, a lot of 'em live in Sunnydale, Willow will fill you in.

I know it's hard to accept at first.

Actually, it explains a lot.

S2 E13 Surprise

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You mean... you'd still...

Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny, and you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either.

You are quite the human.

So I'd still, if you'd still.

I'd still. I'd very still!

Okay. No biting, though.

Agreed.

[Willow walks off, then runs back and gives Oz a quick but thorough kiss. She leaves again.]

Huh. A werewolf in love.

S2 E15 Phases

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[A vampire breaks out of a grave and someone is seen standing over it]

That's right, big boy. Come and get it.

...

[after the vampire has escaped]

First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?

Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?

That's right, he was! [yells at Andy] Cheater! [turns back] Okay, and the, uh, second problem I'm having -- "Come and get it, Big Boy"?

Well, w-w-well, the Slayer always says a pun, or-or a witty play on words, and, I think it throws the vampires off! And, and it makes them frightened, because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time!

Uh, if I may suggest, "This time it's personal." I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic.

S3 Anne

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[Giles brings a zombie cat to the library.]

Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?

We're trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I want to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.

Well, I like it. I think you should call it Patches.

S3 Dead Man's Party

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We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?

What's the difference?

Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.

Well, I hate brie.

I know. It smells like Giles' cat.

S3 Dead Man's Party

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I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. [Buffy glares at her] Oh, I didn't mean that bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you... [looks at Oz] you're supposed to stop me when I do that.

I like when you do that.

S3 Faith, Hope & Trick

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We have a marching jazz band?

Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... Scary.

He's just being Oz.

Pretty much full-time.

S3 Beauty and the Beasts

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Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Quite clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.

[Oz comes in.]

Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.

S3 Beauty and the Beasts

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It's all over school. What happened with Debbie and Pete. Except for the "Pete was a monster" part.

Yeah, a freshman told me that Pete had eight iced cafe mochas and just lost it.

That's better than the estrogen theory. I heard he took all of his mother's birth-control pills.

He didn't? Pete was a monster? Where have I been?

In your special place, Cor, which is why I adore you.

So what's the true story? What happened?

Well, we got a hold of Pete's lab books and stuff, and Mr. Science was doing a Jekyll/Hyde deal. He was afraid Debbie was gonna leave him, so he mixed this potion to become super mas macho.

The only thing was, after a while, he didn't need the potion to turn into a bad guy. He did it just fine on his own.

So it was like a real killing. He wasn't under the influence of anything?

Just himself. Uh... I'll see you guys later.

Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.

S3 Beauty and the Beasts

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Something's definitely changing them.

A spell?

They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?

Principal Snyder

[to Oz] You've got great hair.

S3 Band Candy

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Lagos is out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy. What's with all the tragedy masks?

Better take a seat, Buffy.

What's going on?

We know Angel is alive. Xander saw you with him. It would appear that you've been hiding him and that you lied to us.

Nobody's here to blame you, Buffy. But this is serious. You need help.

It's not what you think.

Hope not, because I think you're harboring a vicious killer.

This isn't about attacking Buffy. Remember, "I" statements only. "I feel angry." "I feel worried."

Fine. Here's one. I feel worried. About me! Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy. He was way more interested in killing her friends.

But he's better now.

Better for how long, Buffy? I mean, did you even think about that?

What is this, demons anonymous? I don't need an intervention here.

Oh, don't you? You must've known it was wrong seeing Angel, or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us.

I was going to tell you, I was. It was just that I... I didn't know why he came back. I-I just wanted to wait.

For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?

I'm not going to... We're not together like that.

But you were kissing him.

You were spying on me? What gives you the right?

What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?

It was an accident.

What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?

It was wrong, okay? I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me. I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for second that Angel was gonna hurt anyone...

You would stop him. Like you did last time with Ms. Calendar.

Buffy, I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight. And that's why we're-we're all going to help you face this.

But he's better now, I swear. Look, you guys, he's the one that found the Glove of Myhnegon. He's keeping it safe for us in the mansion.

[about Angel] Right! Great plan. Leave tons of firepower with the scary guy, and leave us to clean up the mess.

[stops Xander from leaving] You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?

I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason.

Right. This is all nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy.

Hello? Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?

Don't you start with me.

Giles, no one's doing the "I" statements.

That's enough! Everybody. Now Buffy knows our concerns, and her actions, however ill-advised, can be understood. Our... priority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon and try to destroy it. Now, all of you, back to your classes.

[they leave]

Thanks for the bail in there. I know this is a lot to absorb, but Angel did find the glove, and that was a good--

Be quiet. I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform.

S3 Revelations

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So there's no more glove thing-y?

No. Little living flame, little mesquite, gone for good.

Sounds like we missed a lot of fun.

Then we're telling it wrong.

What do you think Buffy and Angel are gonna do?