Anya Jenkins quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!

Don't you like television? I thought all children despise effort and enjoy cartoons.

[practicing her wedding vows] I, Anya, promise to... love you, to cherish you, to honor you, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?

I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I love you, and I'll always love you. And, before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. N-not even a person, really. And I'd seen what love could do to people, and it was... hurt, and sadness. A-alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you! And-and you knew me. You saw me. And it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm, so, I... get it now. I finally get love, Xander! I really do.

I uh, I don't talk to people much. I mean, I talk to them, but they don't talk to me. Except to say that "your questions are irksome," or "perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."

Xander, you can't help me. I'm not even sure there's a me to help.

Okay... I know you're all upset... and I, myself, would much rather be sitting at the bedside of my one-eyed ex-fiancé than killing time here with you people in this overcrowded and, might I add, increasingly ripe-smelling basement. And I would be, too, if not for a certain awkward discussion he and I recently had right over there on that cot immediately following some exciting and unexpected breakup sex.

Cordelia

I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale!

Done! [nothing happens, Anya is confused]

Cordelia

No! I wish Buffy Summers had never been born! That would be cool!

Done! [again nothing happens]

Cordelia

And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.

Done!

Cordelia

In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! Or maybe...

Cordelia

Buffy Summers. That's when all my trouble started. When she moved here.

You okay?

Cordelia

Oh, I just pulled some stitches last night. Know why? Surprise. It was Buffy's fault.

Harmony

Oh, hey, it's Garbage Girl. Loved the look last night, Cor. Dumpster chic for the dumped.

[chuckles] Yeah. [chuckling] Oh, God.

Here. I think you need this more than I do right now.

Cordelia

Yeah, I could use some luck. And a stick with pointy, sharp bits. If that Buffy wasn't, I swear.

She's a pain. But Xander, he's an... utter loser. Don't you wish...

Cordelia

I never would've looked twice at Xander if Buffy hadn't made him marginally cooler by hanging with him.

Really?

Cordelia

Yeah, I swear. I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale. [gasps]

Done.

The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful.

Xander

Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you.

You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.

Xander

Then why you talking to me?

[averting her eyes] I don't have a date for the prom.

Xander

Well, gosh! I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch?

Men are evil... Will you go with me?

Xander

One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which.

When I lost my powers I got stuck with this persona, and now I have all these feelings. I don't understand it. I don't like it. All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me.

Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts.

Xander

Nothing personal, but when a guy does that it just means his eyes are open.

Whatever. Look, do you wanna go with me or not?

So I was wondering... maybe if you're free this weekend... we could do some... entertaining thing.

Xander

Would that be along the lines of you telling me all about the men you destroyed back in your demon days? 'Cause pencil me in!

Well, we could do something else you like. We could, um, watch sports of some kind.

Xander

Uh, I don't know.

Men like sports. I'm sure of it.

Xander

Yes, men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all that you've learned?

When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.

Xander

Welcome to the world of romance.

It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work.

Xander

Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings.

Come with me.

Xander

I can't.

Why not?

Xander

I got friends on the line.

So?

Xander

That humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it?

I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams, you're all naked.

Xander

Really? You know, if I'm in the checkout lane at the Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.

I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped. And, frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now.

Xander

And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.

You haven't called. Not once!

Xander

You said you were over me.

And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear.

Xander

Well, that's the funny thing about me. I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value.

That's stupid.

Xander

I accept that.