Xander Harris quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Xander

I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away.

Xander

It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.

Xander

You were a lousy clown! Your balloon animals were pathetic! Everyone can make a giraffe!

Xander

[practicing to ask Buffy to the Spring Fling dance] Y'know, Buffy, Spring Fling just isn't any dance. It's a time for students to choose, um... a mate and then we can... observe their... mating rituals and tag them before they migrate- just kill me!

Xander

I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff- never mind.

Xander

Whoa! Giles has a TV! Everybody... Giles has a TV, he's shallow like us!

Xander

Well, how about this: we whip out the Ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient unstoppable evil? Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem; we show up and and kick its ass.

Xander

So with Buffy and Riley having... you know, acts of nakedness 'round the clock lately maybe they set something free, like a big, bursting poltergasm.

Xander

Does anyone else miss the Mayor? "I just wanna be a big snake"?

Xander

Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and...then I do a spell by myself.

Xander

[to Anya] I've gotta say something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move. I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life... like a man. I just thought you might like to know.

Xander

Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as... as your... You know, I'm searching for supportive things and I'm coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.

Xander

Demons, ah. There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us.

Xander

Why would a vampire lie about who sired him? What's that? Some kind of status symbol for the undead? My sire can beat up your sire.

Buffy

I'm Buffy. I'm new.

Xander

Xander. Is - is me. Hi.

Buffy

Um, thanks.

Xander

Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.

Buffy

Great! It was nice to meet you. [walks away]

Xander

We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.