Okay, fine, you're not down with Angel. Why would you ever come to me?
SpikeI want Dru back, I want it like it was before he came back. The way she acts around him.....
You're pathetic, I lost a friend tonight!
Spike
I wasn't in on that raiding party.
And I may lose more. The whole earth may be sucked into Hell and you want my help because your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care!
Spike
I can't fight them both alone and neither can you.
Spike
And I'm all you've got.
[Knocked out cop groans]
Spike
[Casually] I just need to kill this guy.
Spike
Oh. Right.
Spike
She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a Chaos demon! Have you ever seen a Chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting... She only did it to hurt me. So I said, "I'm not putting up with this anymore." And she said, "Fine!" And I said, "Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!" And then she said... she said we could still be friends. [leans over and sobs on Willow's shoulder.] God, I'm so unhappy!
[tentatively pats his knee.] There, there.
Spike
The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back to making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike
Oh, yeah, you're just friends.
Spike
You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
[Spike, having tricked Willow into inviting him into her dorm room, prepares to attack her.]
Spike
I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me.
Willow [frightened]: I'll scream!
Spike
Bonus. [moves toward Willow's neck]
...
[A short time later, Spike sits on Willow's bed, confused and disconsolate. Willow still cowers from him.]
Spike
I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me b-before.
Spike
I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. [he leaps on her and draws back in pain] Ow! Oh! {he tries again] Ow! Damn it!
Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike
Not to me it doesn't.
Spike
What are you talking about?
Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't wanna bite me. I just happened to be around.
Spike
Piffle.
I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "Oooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "Oh, you're such a good friend."
Spike
Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
Spike
Thought about it.
Spike
Remember last year, you had on that, uh, fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?
I never would've guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.
Spike
Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fangy and "rrr!" Takes the mystery out.
Spike
If I could, yeah.
[beat]
You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.
Spike
Don't patronize me. [desperate and embarrassed]: I'm only 126!
You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...
[Willow grabs a lamp, smashes it over Spike's head and tries to flee the room.]
Spike
Oh, someone put a stake in me!
You gotta lot of volunteers in here.
Spike
I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Uh, the preferred term is-
Spike
You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Spike
Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?
We don't wanna fight anyone.
I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
Spike
Heh. Yeah...Good luck.
If we could talk to him--
Spike
You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.
I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.
Well, the turkey came out rather splendidly.
Oh, it was yummy. It's just... did you see me? Two seconds of conflict with an indigenous person, and I... I turn into General Custer.
Violence does that. You know, instinct takes over.
Spike
Yeah, that's the fun.
Spike
Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. But me? An entire siege. You'd think one of you would bleed a little.
Good work, Buffy. On, you know, on both counts.
Well, you know, you should be very pleased.
Wasn't exactly a perfect Thanksgiving.
I don't know. Seemed kind of right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight, and now we're all sleepy.
[chuckles] And we did all survive.
I guess that much is true. First Thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it.
And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up.
And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.
Well, maybe we started a new tradition this year. Maybe not. But at least we all worked together. It was like old times.
Yeah, especially with Angel being here and everything. Oops.
Look, Spike - we have no intention of killing a harmless... uh, creature... we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent...
Spike
Hey!
Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're...
Spike
You are one step away, missy -
[sarcastically] Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
...
Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Spike
Giles, make her stop.
[walks away] If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.
Spike and I are getting married!
Three excellent questions.
Spike
[to Buffy] What are you looking at?
[She and Spike kiss, long and salaciously. Xander and Anya avert their eyes.]
Spike
Don't I get a cookie?
Spike
Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.
Spike
Yeah, well, I'm not the one who wanted Wind Beneath My Wings for the first dance.
[Xander, Anya and Giles turn and stare incredulously at Buffy.]
[embarrassed] ... That was the spell!
[At Giles's apartment, Xander and Anya are arguing about their relationship.]
If you don't know how I feel about -
I don't. This isn't a relationship! You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
[The others are silent with disbelief.]
OK... remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike
Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
[Xander ties Spike to a chair before getting into bed.]
Spike
Don't see why I have to be tied up.
It's just while I'm sleeping.
Spike
Like I'd bite you, anyway.
Spike
Not bloody likely.
I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Spike
Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat.
I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike
Yeah, well sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike
Sissy.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
