Willow Rosenberg quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow

You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!

Willow

[to Xander] You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, "Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?" We've been through this.

Willow

[about Angel] So he is a good vampire? I mean on a scale of one to ten. Ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, one being someone who's... not.

Willow

[on the phone with Rupert Giles] Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. [pause] No, not bitchy crazy, more like... homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, OK?

Willow

Talk, funny is good but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!

Willow

Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is.

Willow

I get it. You think you're just a college experiment until I get over the thrill and head back to Boystown.

Willow

You know, when I was little I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now I look at them and just think... he-he-he!

Willow

I am Willow. I am Death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true! OK?

Willow

Uhm, Buffy? I just.. I-I want you to know that I'm, I'm really sorry for letting you down. You know, here, before with the magic going all "aaah" and me going all "eeeh" and everything getting all "rrrr".

Willow

This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my-girlfriend-has-a-pierced-tongue kind of way.

Willow

Well... when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.

Buffy

It's not that bad.

Willow

No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.

Buffy

You really haven't been dating lately.

Buffy

Hey!

Willow

Oh, hi. Hi.

Buffy

Oh, you're here with someone?

Willow

No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was going to show up.

Buffy

Oh, are you guys going out?

Willow

No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.

Buffy

How come?

Willow

He stole my Barbie. Oh, we were five.

Buffy

Oh.

Willow

I-I don't actually date a whole lot... lately.

Buffy

Why not?

Willow

Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.

Buffy

It's not that bad.

Willow

No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.

Buffy

You really haven't been dating lately.

Willow

It's probably easy for you.

Buffy

Yeah, real easy.

Willow

I-I mean, you don't seem too shy.

Buffy

Well, my philosophy, do you want to hear my philosophy?

Willow

Yeah, I do.

Buffy

Life is short.

Willow

Life is short.

Buffy

Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true. You know, why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy and if he's going to laugh at you? Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.

Willow

Oh, that's nice.

Buffy

Um, I'll be back in a minute.

Willow

Oh, that's okay. You don't have to come back.

Buffy

I'll be back in a minute.

Willow

Seize the moment.

Xander

This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.

Willow

I know. And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day.

Xander

Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.

Willow

We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.

Giles

It may be that we are all that stands between the Earth and utter destruction.

Buffy

Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.

Xander

Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.

Willow

Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.

Buffy

I was thinking of a more subtle approach, ya know, like excessive not studying.

Giles

[to himself as the others are walking away] The Earth is doomed.