Tara Maclay quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I have no speech, no name. I live in the action of death. The blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction, absolute, alone.

Tara

[speaking for Buffy] You think you know, what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Tara

Well, I-I go online sometimes, but... everyone's spelling is really bad. It's... depressing.

Oh.

Willow

Wow.

Xander

Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.

Tara

Does he do this a lot?

Xander

[sarcastic.] Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.

Willow

Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.

Tara

Well, he is pretty good.

His voice is... pleasant.

Xander

[incredulous.] What?!

Willow

Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy.

Xander

I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire, please.

Willow

No candles? I brought one. It's... extra flamey. [beat] Tara, I have to tell you...

Tara

No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. [beat]

Willow

[looks a bit hurt, then smiles] I am.

Tara

You mean...

Willow

I mean. [pause] Okay?

Tara

Oh, yes.

Willow

I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. [smiles] Starting right now.

Tara

[smiles] Right now?

Willow

Crack a government encrypted code on my laptop? Easy as really difficult pie.

Spike

You're not exactly the wiz these days either. God, I'm never going to get paid.

Willow

I am a wiz.

Tara

She is a wiz.

Willow

If ever a wiz there was.

Tara

You learn her source [grins] and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection.

Tara

Um, that-that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites... [quietly] and are a complete dork.

Riley

Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?

Xander

I don't know that Taglarin stuff.

Well, I get to run the store, right?

Giles

[alarmed] You? Ah, w-well, it's quite a lot for one person to take care of.

Willow

We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.

Tara

I said "quirky."

Giles

Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse.

[angrily] I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and-and bribe him with money and goods.

Xander

See there? She'll be great.

Willow

Don't worry, Giles. I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape.

Willow

Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it.

It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.

Tara

There's a world without shrimp? [pause] I-I'm allergic.

Buffy

Where did you send him?

The land of the trolls. He'll like it there. Full of trolls.

Willow

It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image, and you should all just forget it.

It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.

Tara

There's a world without shrimp? [pause] I-I'm allergic.

Willow

He's probably in Troll Land.

Buffy

I only care that he's not here, and I got this nifty souvenir.

Buffy

Oops...

Xander

The place is trashed enough anyway.

Tara

W-what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, watchers: that's just like other Giles-es, right?

Buffy

Yeah, they're scary and horrible!

I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.

Tara

O-o-our relationship?

Willow

We're friends.

Tara

Good friends.

Willow

Girlfriends, actually.

Tara

Yes, we're girlfriends.

Willow

We're in love. We're... lovers. [puts hand on Tara's knee] We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.

I meant your relationship with the Slayer.

Tara

[hastily] Um, just good friends. [Willow takes her hand off Tara's knee.]

Joyce

I think we're just about ready for pie.

Xander

And then I'll be pretty much ready for barf.

Buffy

Xander!

Dawn

Gross.

Xander

You know, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good and too much goodness.

Joyce

I'm taking it as a compliment.

Giles

Yes, everything was delicious.

Yes. I'm going to barf, too.

Joyce

Everyone's so sweet.

Xander

How you doin' there, Will? Are you in the vomit club, too?

Willow

[groans] I had too much nog.

Tara

Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I... uh, s-stop explaining things.

Dawn

My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.

Willow

That's... bad.

Xander

Yeah! Now Santa's gonna pass you right by! Naughty boozehound.

Willow

Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah.

I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.

Xander

The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.

Tara

There's a Santa Claus?

Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true.

Dawn

All true?

Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise...

Tara

The reindeer part was nice.

Willow

Have you seen the blue one? Joyce liked the blue one.

Tara

I can check the Laundry room again if you want.

Willow

What about Purple? What does Purple mean?

Tara

I think Purple means royal.

Willow

I can't be Royal when I'm at the hospital. "Oh look at me I'm Queen of everything". [Crying] I have to go see Buffy and be supportive. Why do all my clothes have stupid things on them? Why can't I dress like a grown up? Can't I be a grown up?

Tara

Shh, darling. [Kissing her on the head]

Willow

Tara, I can't do this.

Tara

We can do this.

Willow

We can be there for Buffy and Dawn.

Tara

We can be strong.

Willow

Strong like an Amazon?

Tara

[Laughs] Like an Amazon.

Willow

I wish I had the blue.

Tara

Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff like lying to my family and staying out all night.

Buffy's boinking Spike.

Willow

Oh. Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge--

Tara

What are you, kidding? She's nuts!