I can't believe it really happened.
I just had no idea. It's so creepy. He was really singing?
I'd say it was more like crooning. If we grow old together, remind me to skip the midlife crisis.
WillowCome on, you have to admit, it was kind of sexy.
Please stop saying that. I'm willing to offer cash incentives.
We're just lucky no one got injured. No thanks to us.
Willow
Don't be too hard on yourself.
He's right, Will. If Riley and I hadn't, gotten so wrapped up in each other, none of this would have happened.
My girlfriend, mistress of the learning plateau.
Willow
Really, it wasn't your fault. You were under the influence of powerful magicks.
We were like zombies. I had no control over myself at all.
Willow
It must have been horrible.
Willow
[Speaking of Oz's return] It's complicated...because of Tara.
You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No... [suddenly realizes Willow is in love with Tara] Oh!!
...
[almost babbling with the shock of Willow's revelation] Well, there you go! I mean, you know, you have to... follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will.
Willow
Why do you keep saying my name like that?
Willow
Are you freaked?
[overly insistent] What? No, Will! [pauses, then gathers her emotions] No. No, absolutely no to that question. I'm glad you told me.
...
Willow
I don't want to hurt anyone, Buffy.
No matter what, somebody's going to get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest or it's going to be a lot worse.
Willow
No candles? I brought one. It's... extra flamey. [beat] Tara, I have to tell you...
No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. [beat]
Willow
[looks a bit hurt, then smiles] I am.
Willow
I mean. [pause] Okay?
Willow
I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. [smiles] Starting right now.
[Willow nods and smiles]
[Tara blows the candle out]
Willow
This thing looks pretty good, considering you drove it overseas.
Well, it broke down outside of Mexico, and I traded my bass to have it fixed and garaged. I shouldn't have come back now. I just thought I'd changed.
Willow
You have changed. You stopped the wolf from coming out. I saw it.
But I couldn't look at you. I mean, it turns out... the one thing that brings it out of me is you. Which falls under the heading of ironic in my book.
Willow
It was my fault. I upset you.
Well, so we're safe then, 'cause you'll never do that again. But you're happy?
Willow
I am. I can't explain it.
It may be safer for both of us if you don't.
Willow
I missed you, Oz. I wrote you so many letters. But I didn't have any place to send them, you know? I couldn't live like that.
It was stupid to think that you'd just be... waiting.
Willow
I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like, if I'm old and blue-haired and I turn the corner in Istanbul, and there you are, I won't be surprised. Because... you're with me, you know?
I know. But now is not that time, I guess.
Willow
No. What are you gonna do?
I think I better take off.
Willow
When?
[amidst an argument between Buffy, Xander, and Willow]
Maybe that all changes when I'm off doin' sit-ups in Fort Dix!
Fort Dix? [begins to giggle hysterically]
[finishes laughing] Yes, quite a bit, actually.
...
You guys, stop this! What happened to you today?!
Willow
It's not today! Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?
[perturbed] What do you mean 'wrong?'
Willow
Well, things certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend...
No, it was back before that, since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to- Tara's your girlfriend?!
[from upstairs, still drunk] Bloody hell!
And if I did join the army, I'd be great. You know why? Because they might give me a job that couldn't be done by any well-trained Border Collie.
That's it. I'm going to bed.
Willow
No, you'd do wonderful in the army. Hey, do you think the umbilibal cord between you and Anya could stretch that far?
I knew it. I knew you hated her!
Willow
Look, I'm not the one being judgmental here. I'll leave that territory to you and Buffy.
Judgmental? If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out.
Oh, and superior. Don't forget that. Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you can be all superior.
You guys, stop this. What happened to you today?
Willow
It's not today. Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?
[perturbed] Well, what do you mean, wrong?
Willow
Well, they certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend.
No! It was back before that! Since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to-- Tara's your girlfriend?
[from upstairs, still drunk] Bloody hell.
Enough! All I know is you want to help, right? Be part of the team?
Willow
I don't know anymore.
No! No, you said you wanted to go. So let's go, all of us. We'll walk into that cave with you two attacking me and the funny drunk drooling on my shoe. Hey! Hey, maybe that's the secret way to killing Adam!
Is that it? Is that how you can help? You're not answering me! How can you possibly help? So... I guess I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One and her friends. If I need help, I'll go to someone I can count on.
Oddly, Anya decided not to join us, despite all the fun we had at our last meeting.
Willow
And I don't think Tara felt welcome.
Why? Because of the things that we said? Will, who told you that we were talking behind your back, specifically?
Willow
Well, I... Spike, specifically, but...
And who told you that we thought you'd be better off joining the army?
That's not... exactly what he said.
Well, um, S-Spike can be very convincing when-when, uh, I'm very stupid.
He played us. He wanted us to fight to split us up. That's where it came from, the stuff we said the other night.
Of course. Well, piffle. Let's-let's move on.
Willow
Me, too.
Willow
So why do you think Spike made with the head games?
He's all dressed up with no one to bite. He's got to get his ya-yas somehow.
I think it was more than that. I think it was Adam.
Spike's working for Adam?! After all we've done... Nah, I can't even act surprised.
I just went to Adam's lair, and he was gone, but Spike just happened to be there. And he made this big noise about getting the information off those encrypted disks.
Willow
Oh, I decrypted 'em. Well, they decrypted themselves, but I almost had it.
Willow
Bunch of stuff we already knew about 314. But it also said there's some final phase where Adam manufactures a bunch of creepy cyber-demonoids like him. There's a special lab in the Initiative, but it didn't say where.
Adam fed Spike those disks. It has to be. He wanted me to know about his evil-guy assembly line. This lab, it's in the Initiative?
Willow
Hidden somewhere.
Well, give the demon his due. He thought this one out.
Willow
What do you mean?
You know how overcrowded the containment cells have been at the Initiative? Those demons were just too easy to catch. It's like they wanted in that place.
Adam's gonna make sure the demons attack the Initiative from the inside.
Demons versus soldiers. Massacre, massacre.
Willow
And Adam has a neat pile of body parts to start assembling his army. Diabolical yet... gross.
Does anybody else miss the Mayor, "I just want to be a big snake?"
I've got to shut him down, Giles. His final phase is about to start.
We need to warn the Initiative.
They're not gonna listen to me.
Willow
Riley?
He's a deserter. He got some bad news, anyway, and kind of took off.
Okay, I'm confused again. Adam has the evil plan. Why is he so anxious for you to know about it?
He wants me there. Probably figures I'll even the kill ratio.
He's not worried you might kill, oh, say, him?
There's certainly no lack of supplies. Only wish I knew which ones would kill Adam.
According to Riley, his power sourse is a uranium core embedded somewhere inside his chest, probably near the spine?
Great. So we just ask him to lie down quietly while we do some exploratory surgery.
Willow
What about magic? Some kind of, I don't know, uranium-extracting spell? I know, I'm reaching.
Perhaps a paralyzing spell. Only I can't perform the incantation of this.
Willow
Right. Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something?
I do speak Sumerian. It's not that. Only a-an experienced witch can incant it, and you'd have to be within striking distance of the subject.
See what you get for taking French instead of Sumerian?
So, no problem. All we need is Combo-Buffy, her with Slayer strength, Giles' multilingual know-how, and Willow's witchy power. Yeah, don't tell me, I'm just full of helpful suggestions.
As a matter of fact, you are.
Are you sure you'll be alright? 'Cause I can be there in the morning.
It's just a debriefing. They're not gonna make me disappear and they're not pinning anything on me. I got Graham and a lot of the guys testifying I'm the reason they're alive. I might actually got out of this with an honorable discharge.
In return for your silence, no doubt.
Oh, yeah. Having the inside scoop on the administration's own Bay of Mutated Pigs is definitely an advantage.
Willow
It's like you're blackmailing the government. In a... patriotic way.
I'll call you when it's over.
Dinner is served. And my very own recipe.
Willow
Ooh. You pushed the button on the microwave that says popcorn?
Actually, I pushed defrost, but, um, Joyce was there in the clinch.
Well, you guys have fun tonight. It was very nice meeting you.
It was nice meeting you. Finally.
Did you notice how pointedly I said finally?
Willow
The First Slayer. Wow.
And not big with the socialization.
Willow
Or the floss.
Somehow our joining with Buffy and invoking the essence of the... the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power.
You know, you could have brought that up to us before we did it.
I did, I said there could be dire consequences.
Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast.
I'm, uh, guessing I missed some fun.
Willow
The spirit of the First Slayer tried to kill us in our dreams.
Oh, you want some hot chocolate?
Willow
Yeah.
Yes, what, Joyce... uh, Buffy's mom.
Be my kitchen buddy again, help me carry?
Yeah. I think I might jump in the shower.
A little. The First Slayer. I never really thought about it. It was intense. I guess you guys got a taste of that, huh?
Yeah, from now on you keep your Slayer friends out of my dreams, is that clear?
Willow
She's not good for the sleeping.
Uh... Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. Don't know where the hell that came from.
So Giles and I worked out a whole schedule around school, a block of time every day just to focus on my new Slayer training.
Willow
That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic!
Oh no, do they make an ointment for that?
Willow
People gotta respect a solid work ethic.
...
So... I won't be taking drama with you.
Willow
What? You have to, you promised!
Well, I know, but Giles says that it just -
Willow
The hell with Giles!
Willow
Drama is just Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, you can blow off training Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, can't you?
What happened to you people gotta respect a work ethic?
Willow
Other people, not me! There's a whole best-friend loophole!
Willow
You have to help me figure this out, you know.
But I never help. I get in trouble and Buffy saves me.
Willow
That's not true, sometimes we all help to save you... And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
...
Hey, wait 'til you have an evil twin, see how you handle it.
Willow
I handled it fine.
Well maybe we shouldn't do this re-integration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning.
CXCool Xander
She's joking.
LXLoser Xander
No she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together, which is wrong and... and it would be very confusing.
We just need to arrange the candles; also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
Willow
Check. Candles and pretense.
...
Well, what do we do if it doesn't work?
BXBoth Xanders
[simultaneously] Kill us both, Spock! [both laugh]
They're... kinda the same now.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
