Joyce Summers quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joyce

Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. [finds her picture] Oh, look! There I am.

Buffy

Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.

Joyce

This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Joyce

Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. [finds her picture] Oh, look. There I am.

Buffy

Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.

Joyce

This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Buffy

Well, it's really cool, but I gotta book.

Joyce

Well, I was thinking. I know the cheerleading thing didn't work out. Maybe you should think about joining the yearbook staff. I did it. It was a lot of fun.

Buffy

Not really my tip, Mom.

Joyce

I was photo editor. I got to be on every page. Made me look much more popular than I was.

Buffy

And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them.

Joyce

Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook.

Buffy

Well, this just in: I'm not you. I'm into my own thing.

Joyce

Your own thing, whatever it is, got you kicked out of school, and he had to move here to find a decent school that would take you. Honey... Oh, great parenting form. A little shaky on the dismount.

Joyce

You want to go to school?

Buffy

Sure! Why not?

Joyce

Okay. Good day to buy that lottery ticket.

Joyce

It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy.

Buffy

But I looked good in it.

Joyce

You looked like a streetwalker.

Buffy

But a thin streetwalker. (pauses) That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?

Joyce

You're just too young to wear that.

Buffy

Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it.

Joyce

That's the idea.

Buffy

Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences. How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out?

Joyce

Well, it stops now!

Buffy

No, it doesn't stop. It never stops. Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or, god, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.

Buffy

I'd like to find Willow and Xander.

Joyce

Will you be slaying?

Buffy

Only if they give me lip.

Principal Snyder

I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.

Joyce

Buffy was cleared of all those charges.

Principal Snyder

Yes, and while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another tingle moment.

Buffy

Yeah, we can go home. I've got the SAT's tomorrow.

Joyce

Oh, blow them off. I'll write you a note.

Buffy

It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone.

Giles

Was that the math or the verbal?

Buffy

Mostly the math.

Giles

Well, if you scored low, then you can always take them again.

Buffy

More SATs? Ugh. Was there really a point? I could die before I even apply to college.

Giles

Then it very possibly might not.

Buffy

Well, let's just keep hope alive.

Giles

Hello.

Joyce

Hi.

Giles

I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?

Joyce

Uh, Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan.

Buffy

Uh, hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something.

Joyce

Right.

Giles

Indeed.

Joyce

Yes.

Joyce

That's not it. It's just... You belong at-at a good old-fashioned college with keg parties and boys, not here with Hellmouths and vampires.

Buffy

Not really seeing the distinction.

Joyce

Carnegie-Melon has a wonderful design curriculums. Oh, and Brown University's history program is... You like history, right?

Buffy

Could we talk about this another time? All day it's been like, "Congratulations!" "Go away."

Joyce

That's not it. It's just... you belong at-at a good old-fashioned college with-with keg parties and boys, not here with Hellmouths and vampires.

Buffy

Not really seeing the distinction.

Joyce

No, you're always talking about how you wish you could lead a more normal life. Well, this is your chance.

Buffy

Yeah, it's just not that simple. I have responsibilities.

Joyce

I know, I know, but I spoke with Mr. Giles, and he said--

Buffy

That Faith could be Miss Sunnydale in the slayer pageant. I know.

Joyce

It's time to think about your future, Buffy, about your whole life. I mean, honestly, is there anything keeping you here?

Joyce

So, Angel's on top again?

Buffy

What?

Joyce

[holding up Christmas decorations] Angel? Or star?

Buffy

Oh. Er, star.

Buffy

You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?!

Joyce

It was the candy! We were teenagers!

Buffy

On the hood of a police car?!

Joyce

[goes to leave, glances back] I'll be downstairs. [exits] You feel better!

Buffy

Twice!?

Joyce

You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.

Faith

Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.

Joyce

[sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?

Faith

Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! I mean, nobody cares! Nobody remembers! Especially not Buffy-fabulous-super-hero! Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother and she just leaves you here to die!

Buffy

[Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom!

Joyce

Hi, honey.

Faith

[clicks tongue] Ruby Sunset. Burgundy Skyline? Harlot. Mmm. Way to go, Joyce. Now, normally, I wouldn't be going with a color this dark, but I read in some magazine eight months in a coma will damage a girl's natural skin tone. Good thing pale is in this year. Or was it last year? [kisses] Anyway, for real now, I'm gonna ask you something, and you got to promise you'll be honest and not spare my feelings just 'cause I could kill you. You promise?

Joyce

I promise.

Faith

Okay. How do I look?

Joyce

Psychotic.

Faith

Hmm. I was shooting for sultry, but, hey... Bet I know what you're thinking.

Joyce

Really?

Faith

You're thinking, "You're never get away with this." Warm?

Joyce

Actually, I was thinking my daughter is going to kill you soon.

Faith

That a fact?

Joyce

More like a bet.

Faith

Whoa. You got a pair on you, Joyce. I like seeing that in a woman your age. Guess you can afford to talk that way. I mean, in the world according to Joyce, Buffy is gonna come crashing through that door any minute. But, look what I found. Buffy Summers. Buffy Summers, Buffy Summers, Buffy, Buffy. A lot of letters. She, uh, hasn't been by in a while, huh? And you think, with a crazy chick like me on the loose, crazy chick with a wicked grudge against her, no less, she'd call and give you a heads-up. But Buffy's too into her own deal to remember dear old mom.

Joyce

You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.

Faith

Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something, and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.

Joyce

[sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?

Faith

Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead. I mean, nobody cares, nobody remembers, especially not Buffy, fabulous superhero. Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it, she was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother, and she just leaves you here to die!

Buffy

[Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom.

Joyce

Hi, honey.