Buffy the Vampire Slayer · Season 4
“The Yoko Factor” · Season 4
In this episode: Buffy Summers (4), Rupert Giles (4), Spike (4), Xander Harris (3), Willow Rosenberg (3), Angel (2), Adam (2), Tara Maclay (1)
[singing] If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
Well I must be traveling on now
There's too many places I've got to see
And if I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as bird now--
[Giles suddenly shrieks as he realizes Spike is standing in the room.]
You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.
Crack a government encrypted code on my laptop? Easy as really difficult pie.
You're not exactly the wiz these days either. God, I'm never going to get paid.
I am a wiz.
She is a wiz.
If ever a wiz there was.
[happily] Now that was fun!
You were successful?
[scoffs] Easier than I'd thought it'd be, too.
You're sure?
[scoffs] Feel it in my bones. I call it...the Yoko Factor. [off Adam's look] Don't tell me you've never heard of The Beatles?
I have. [stands] I like Helter Skelter
What a surprise. The point is, they were once a real powerful group. It's not a stretch to say they ruled the world. And when they broke up everyone blamed Yoko, but the fact is the group split itself apart, she just happened to be there. You know how it is with kids. They go off to college, they grow apart. Way of the world.
You and Willow go do the superpower thing. I'll stay behind and putter around the bat cave with crusty old Alfred here.
Ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job.
[amidst an argument between Buffy, Xander, and Willow]
Maybe that all changes when I'm off doin' sit-ups in Fort Dix!
Fort Dix? [begins to giggle hysterically]
Are you drunk?
[finishes laughing] Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Well, stop it!!
...
You guys, stop this! What happened to you today?!
It's not today! Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?
[perturbed] What do you mean 'wrong?'
Well, things certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend...
No, it was back before that, since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to- Tara's your girlfriend?!
[from upstairs, still drunk] Bloody hell!
Two Slayers?
That's right.
And you killed them both?
Yeah. I killed the hell out of 'em.
Yet you fear this one?
Hey, watch it, mate! I don't fear anything. I just know my enemies.
Do you? Then why haven't you killed this Slayer yet?
Because...! Stinking rotten luck is why. On top of that, now I got this buggering chip up my head.
Yes. Your behavior modification circuitry. I know what you feel.
[scoffing] Not likely.
You feel smothered. Trapped like an animal. Pure in its ferocity, unable to actualize the urges within. Clinging to one truth, like a flame struggling to burn within an enclosed glass: that a beast this powerful cannot be contained. Inevitably, it will break free and savage the land again. I will make you whole again, make you savage.
[is speechless with awe for a moment] Wow... I mean, yeah. I get why the demons all fall in line with you. You're like Tony Robbins! If he was a big scary, Frankenstein-looking... You're exactly like Tony Robbins.
Angel.
Hi. Can I come in?
I guess.
Um, I need a little more than that.
Oh. Um... come in. You're hurt.
You, too.
I'll live. You want to tell me who ran your face into that doorknob?
Not really. It's not world-in-peril stuff.
Let me guess. You thought of something else really hurtful to say, and, well, you couldn't tell me on the phone because the funniest part is that look on my face--
Buffy, please. I really don't have a lot of time.
What's going on?
I told you, you weren't coming near her.
You've got to be kidding me. This is why you came?
No. This was an accident.
Running your car into a tree is an accident! Running your fist into somebody's face is a plan. Please explain this to me.
Put that gun down.
It's pretty much all I got left, so I'm thinking not. He attacked four of my men, Buffy. I think he's up to his old tricks.
He won't hurt anybody, tell him.
Might hurt you.
Oh, please try.
Huh. Some threat. You can barely stand.
My trigger finger feels okay.
You actually sleep with this guy?
Okay, stop it! Okay, that is enough. I see one more display of testosterone poisoning, and I will personally put you both in the hospital. Anybody think I'm exaggerating?
He start--
Riley.
I'm sorry. Just want to know that you were safe.
I need to talk to Angel for a minute.
What?
Riley, please.
I'm not leaving this room. I mean it. Not moving a muscle.
Okay, I come to see you, to help you, and you treat me like I'm just... your ex.
Well, technically--
Shut up! And then you order me out of your city, and then you come here and start pounding on my boyfriend? I would really like to know, what the hell are you trying to do?
I was trying to make things better.
[laughs]
[chuckles] Well... [laughs] Aw, well. Huh. It's, uh, going pretty good, don't you think?
Swell.
You know... [chuckles] I couldn't leave it like that. The way I spoke to you... I came to apologize. I... I had no right.
And Riley?
I got jumped by some soldiers. He came in in the middle. And he wasn't real forthcoming with the benefit of the doubt.
Put yourself in his place.
I get it.
Look, you weren't entirely wrong, what you said in L.A. We don't live in each other's worlds anymore. I had no right to barge in on yours and make judgments.
I'm still sorry.
Thank you.
And next time, I'll apologize by phone.
[laughs]
Uh, things are pretty tense around here.
They really are.
Can I do anything?
Honestly, I think the best thing you can do right now is--
Okay.
It means a lot that you came.
Oh, and, Riley?
Yeah?
I don't like him.
Thank you.
And if I did join the army, I'd be great. You know why? Because they might give me a job that couldn't be done by any well-trained Border Collie.
That's it. I'm going to bed.
No, you'd do wonderful in the army. Hey, do you think the umbilibal cord between you and Anya could stretch that far?
I knew it. I knew you hated her!
Look, I'm not the one being judgmental here. I'll leave that territory to you and Buffy.
Judgmental? If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out.
Oh, and superior. Don't forget that. Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you can be all superior.
You guys, stop this. What happened to you today?
It's not today. Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?
[perturbed] Well, what do you mean, wrong?
Well, they certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend.
No! It was back before that! Since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to-- Tara's your girlfriend?
[from upstairs, still drunk] Bloody hell.
Enough! All I know is you want to help, right? Be part of the team?
I don't know anymore.
Clearly not wanted.
No! No, you said you wanted to go. So let's go, all of us. We'll walk into that cave with you two attacking me and the funny drunk drooling on my shoe. Hey! Hey, maybe that's the secret way to killing Adam!
Buffy.
Is that it? Is that how you can help? You're not answering me! How can you possibly help? So... I guess I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One and her friends. If I need help, I'll go to someone I can count on.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
