[about Riley] It's just... different, you know? A picnic. First of all, daylight. That's kind of a new venue, Buffy-wise. And the best part, he said that he would bring all the food, so all I have to do is show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at.
WillowSo, he's nice?
Willow
And there's sparkage?
Yeah. He's... Have you seen his arms? Those are... good arms to have. I really like him. I do.
Willow
But?
I don't know. I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me. But... I just... feel like something's missing.
Willow
He's not making you miserable?
Exactly. Riley seems so solid, like... he wouldn't cause me heartache.
Willow
Get out. Get out while there's still time.
I know. I have to get away from that "bad boy" thing. There's no good there. Seeing Angel in L.A., even for five minutes, hello to the pain.
Willow
The pain is not a friend.
But I can't help thinking, isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting. (Stakes a vampire) I wonder where I get that from.
Willow
Man, that was an exciting class, huh?
Willow
And the last twenty minutes -- it was a revelation. Just laid out everything we need to know for the final. I'd hate to have missed that.
Just tell me I didn't snore.
Willow
Very discreet. Minimal drool.
[Discussing Willow's wicca group]
Willow
Talk. All talk. Blah blah Gaia, blah blah moon, menstrual life-force power thingy. You know after a couple of sessions I was hoping we would get into something real but...
No actual witches in your witch group.
Willow
No, bunch of wanna-blessed-bes.
[The gang discusses a mysterious symbol.]
Willow
Right. It was carved into his chest, like a big creepy eye.
It's kind of like the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?
I'm telling you I've seen this somewhere before. I just can't remember where! I mean, it's like...
It's the end of the world.
BWBuffy, Willow, Xander
Again?
It's, ah, the earthquake... that symbol... yes.
I told you. I-I said "end of the world", and you're like "poo-poo, southern California, poo-poo"!
I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
[The gang discusses a mysterious symbol.]
Willow
It just made me feel like I was right back in high school.
Dumb jock. If it wasn't for you, he still would be.
Willow
Yeah. I mean, I know the Percy thing isn't really important. It's the dead guy on the bed.
Willow
Ooh, and something else: he, the dead guy, was-was propped up, like whatever killed him wanted to drain the blood out of him. So I'm thinking the whatever took a bunch of the guy's blood with him. And I haven't been a nerd for a very long time. Hello, dating a guitarist. Or, I was.
Tell them about the symbol.
Willow
Right. Um, it was carved into his chest, like a big, creepy eye.
It's kind of like the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?
I'm telling you, I've seen this somewhere before. I just can't remember where. I mean, it's like...
It's the end of the world.
BWBuffy, Willow, Xander
Again?
It's, um, the earthquake... That symbol is, um...
I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh".
I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
Willow
No, i-it can't be. We-we've done this already.
It's the end of the world. Everyone dies. It's rather important, really.
Willow
So what do we do?
Willow
Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend.
[offhandedly while stacking her chips] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
[Xander loses control of the deck he was shuffling.]
[Buffy, Willow, and Anya are watching Road Runner in bed in Xander's Basement]
Willow
Well no, Buff. That's why they're called cartoons not documentaries.
[Buffy, Willow, and Anya are watching Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner in bed in Xander's Basement]
Willow
Well no, Buff, that's why they're called cartoons, not documentaries.
Must we have the noise? My head is splitting.
Willow
Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning.
Yes, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball.
Everytime you moved, it make squeaky noises. It was irritating.
Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring.
Okay, you guys. Could we not, please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage.
Willow
It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all.
I don't know. Just seems like things could get heavier. His whole world's falling apart.
And after everything you've been through with Angel. You know, you really sould get yourself a boring boyfriend, like Xander. You can't have Xander.
That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies, going "Tra-la-la."
Willow
Poor Buffy, your life resists all thing average.
So dump him. But you can't have Xander.
I'll try and remember that. It's too late, anyway. I'm already at the "I hurt when he hurts, I smiles when he smiles" stage.
I'll just have to make it work.
TATV Announcer
Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was stabbed with what looks like some kind of large skewer, and his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect, and the killer is still at large.
The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one that Maggie insisted we bring back alive.
She must have sent it after you.
And it got distracted. God.
Willow
Buffy, it's not your fault. How could you know?
She's right. You mustn't blame yourself.
I'm not going to. I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make it pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. [uncomfortable pause] That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.
Willow
What did you tell him?
The truth, that she's my wacky identical cousin from England and whenever she visits, hijinks ensue.
Willow
It's good you guys have such an honest relationship.
No, I told him the story. I vagued-up a few bits but no flat-out lies.
Willow
That's fair. How'd you handle the Angel-y parts?
I did some editing. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything from Riley. It's... just that that's a longer conversation, and, I had a Faith hunt to do.
Willow
Any luck?
Couldn't find her. Don't know exactly where to place that in the luck continuum.
Willow
At least you're not alone on this. I'll bet every cop in Sunnydale is out there looking for her right now.
Pressure's definitely high. I'll tell you, if I were her, I'd get out of Dodge post-hasty.
So, check you out, B. Nice. The "big girl on campus" thing's really working for you.
I've been looking for you.
I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard you look?
Five by five. That's the thing about a coma-- you wake up all rested and rejuvenated, and ready for payback.
So much for pleasantries, huh?
What'd you think, I'd wake up and we'd go for tea? You tried to gut me, Blondie.
You'd have done the same to me if you'd had the chance.
So let's have another go at it, see who lands on top.
It doesn't have to be like this, you know.
Actually, I think it has to be exactly like this.
Faith, these are innocent people.
I guess it was too much to hope that you'd use your downtime to reflect and grow.
Could say the same about you. I mean, you're still the same old "better than thou" Buffy. I mean, I knew it somehow. I kept having this dream. I'm not sure what it means, but in the dream, this self-righteous blonde chick stabs me. And you want to know why?
That's one interpretation. But in my dream, she does it for a guy. [Willow starts to sneak up behind Faith and is about to hit her with her backpack] Try it, Red, and you lose an arm. [Willow backs off] I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about before. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beefstick she meets. And not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, she's forgotten all about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that's my dream. That and some stuff about cigars and a tunnel. But, uh, tell me, college girl, what does it mean?
To me? Mostly, that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. [Police sirens are heard] Uh-oh, I guess somebody knows you're here. [Faith hits Buffy]
You took my life, B. Payback's a bitch.
Willow
Look who's talking.
[At Giles' place. Riley pages through a spellbook.]
These spells, they really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or... learn to excrete gold coins.
That one's not so much fun.
Willow
They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Right, you can't just go librum incendere and expect --
[The book catches on fire; Xander closes it rapidly.]
Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
[Giles is singing and playing "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who at an espresso bar. Anya, Willow, Xander and Tara watch from the door, amazed. All three girls are riveted; Willow's and Anya's mouths are hanging open.]
Willow
Wow.
Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.
[sarcastic.] Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
Willow
Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
His voice is... pleasant.
Willow
Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy.
I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire, please.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
