Buffy[about the mausoleum] Well, this is nice. I-it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows... call it home!
Buffy
You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief! I'm telling you, having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.
Buffy, we bail now, right?
Buffy
Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!
[The vampires close in on Buffy. She turns to Darla.]
Buffy
Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.
Buffy
Are you sure? Now, this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...
Buffy
Okay, what's the sitch?
Buffy
You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?
Buffy
'Cause it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little-little holes in his neck and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, "Ooh"?
Buffy
Well, I wasn't. It's my first day. I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care.
Buffy
To tell you that, I don't care, which I don't, and have now told you, so... bye.
Is he-- will he rise again?
Buffy
Who?
Buffy
No. He's just dead.
Buffy
[to Giles] To make you a vampire, they have to suck your blood, and then you have to suck their blood. It's like, a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?
You really have no idea what's going on, do you? You think it's coincidence, your being here? That boy was just the beginning.
Buffy
Why can't you people just leave me alone?
Because you are the Slayer. To each generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One, one born with the strength--
Buffy
The strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of the evil, blah, blah, blah. I've heard it, okay?
I really don't understand this attitude. You-You've accepted your duty. You're slain vampires before?
Buffy
Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on.
What do you know about this town?
Buffy
It's 2 hours on the freeway from Neiman-Marcus.
Dig a bit in the history of this place, and you'll find a-a steady stream of fairly off occurrences. I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy, that things gravitate towards it that-that you might not find elsewhere.
Buffy
Like vampires.
Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi, everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real.
Buffy
What, you, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?
Buffy
Did you get the free phone?
Buffy
Cool. Wait. Okay. First of all, I'm a Vampire Slayer. And secondly, I'm retired. Hey, I know. Why don't you kill them?
I'm a Watcher. I-I haven't the skill.
Buffy
Oh, come on. Stake through the heart, a little sunlight, it's like falling off a log.
A slayer says, a watcher--
Buffy
Watches?
Yes, no. He... he trains her. He-he-he prepares her.
Buffy
Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead. Prepare me. [sigh]
Buffy
Hey!
Buffy
Oh, you're here with someone?
No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was going to show up.
Buffy
Oh, are you guys going out?
No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy
How come?
He stole my Barbie. Oh, we were five.
Buffy
Oh.
I-I don't actually date a whole lot... lately.
Buffy
Why not?
Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy
It's not that bad.
No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy
You really haven't been dating lately.
It's probably easy for you.
Buffy
Yeah, real easy.
I-I mean, you don't seem too shy.
Buffy
Well, my philosophy, do you want to hear my philosophy?
Buffy
Life is short.
Buffy
Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true. You know, why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy and if he's going to laugh at you? Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Buffy
Um, I'll be back in a minute.
Oh, that's okay. You don't have to come back.
Buffy
I'll be back in a minute.
It may be that we are all that stands between the Earth and utter destruction.
Buffy
Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy
I was thinking of a more subtle approach, ya know, like excessive not studying.
[to himself as the others are walking away] The Earth is doomed.
This is madness. What could you have been thinking? You are the Slayer. Lives depend upon you. I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this-this... cult?
[Buffy is wearing a cheerleading outfit]
Buffy
You don’t like the color?
I don't... Do you, um... do you ignore everything I say, as-as a rule?
Buffy
No. I believe that's your trick. I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad.
You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pom poms at people. And as the Watcher, I forbid it.
Buffy
And you'll be stopping me how?
Well, I... By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists.
Buffy
I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, okay? I just... want to have a life. I want to do something normal. Something safe.
Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. [finds her picture] Oh, look. There I am.
Buffy
Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?
Buffy
Well, it's really cool, but I gotta book.
Well, I was thinking. I know the cheerleading thing didn't work out. Maybe you should think about joining the yearbook staff. I did it. It was a lot of fun.
Buffy
Not really my tip, Mom.
I was photo editor. I got to be on every page. Made me look much more popular than I was.
Buffy
And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them.
Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook.
Buffy
Well, this just in: I'm not you. I'm into my own thing.
Your own thing, whatever it is, got you kicked out of school, and he had to move here to find a decent school that would take you. Honey... Oh, great parenting form. A little shaky on the dismount.
PFPrincipal Flutie
You were there. You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you?
Buffy
Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria when we found him--
PFPrincipal Flutie
Don't say dead or decapitated or decomposing. I'd stay away from "d" words altogether, but you witnessed the event, so this way, please.
Buffy
Oh, no. I'm gonna be late for biology.
PFPrincipal Flutie
Extremely late. You have to see a counselor. Everyone who saw the body has to see a crisis counselor.
Buffy
But I really don't--
PFPrincipal Flutie
We all need help with our feelings, otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another, we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, but not a real hug, because there's no touching in this school. We're sensitive to wrong touching.
Buffy
But I really, really--
PFPrincipal Flutie
No. You have to talk to a counselor and start to healing. You have to heal.
Buffy
But, Mr. Flutie, I d--
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
