Beavis and Butt-Head · Season 5
[Beavis and Butt-head are watching a pay-per-view program on Stewart's t. v.]
Warning. The following feature presentation is not rated. It contains scenes of full frontal nudity and extreme violence. Viewer discretion is advised.
Yes!
Yes!
Discretion is cool.
Pay-per-view rules. It rules!
[Stewart and his parents arrived back home, but seen everything broke.]
How's it going?
Beavis? Butt-Head? What happened?! Where's the couch?! Where's the t. v.?!
Uhh, the movers took it dude.
OHHHH!! Movers?! You idiots! We've been robbed!
Robbed? We were here all day. We didn't see any robbers.
You guys are in big trouble.
Butt-head I have been to the top of the mountain, and it is good.
(to Butt-head) Do you have any spokisus?
Pole-vaulters. Baton Passers. Javelin throwers. [a javelin hits Beavis's hand. Beavis screams] Whoa. [Butt-head removes the javelin from Beavis] You dumbass. I'd warn you. [Buzz-Cut blows his whistle]
All right, men! Hit the showers! Now!
[Beavis and Butt-Head laugh]
[in the showers]
Where in the hell do you think you're going?
Uhhh... to class?
Umm.. yeah, yeah, to class, me too.
Maybe you didn't hear me when I told you to hit the showers!
Uhh, we thought you were like, talking to somebody else?
I was talking to everybody!
But like, uhh... we didn't sweat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's all the same sir, um, I'd just like to wait till I get home to take a shower. That'll be great.
Look at you boy! You're covered in crap!
Uhmmm... That was last week. This is blood, sir.
Name of this class is Physical Education! And that includes proper personal hygiene! Hit the showers now, or fail!
Uhhh... Well, it looks kinda crowded in there.
Do I have to undress you myself, Butt-head?
Uh, no?
no?
[On taking a shower at school]
This sucks. I hate taking showers.
Yeah, I don't want some naked dudes standing with a schlong right next to me.
Yeah, really! I don't want some naked dude standing next to me with his schlong slinging around saying 'Hey good game man.'
And you better not look at me, fart-knocker, or I'll kick your ass.
You look at me, I'm gonna kick your ass.
Hey Beavis and Butt-Head, are you guys gonna finally take a shower?
Uhhh... ummm... hey dude.
I've never seen you guys take a shower before.
Uhhh... Yeah.
How come you guys never take a shower?
Hey Beavis, it's all clear.
Hey Beavis, can you help me with this?
[Beavis Screams]
I am beginning to wonder if you boys have ever taken a shower in your lives. What in the hell do you think you're doing with your underwear still on?
Um, we don't want anybody looking at our nads.
Yeah, are you one of those gym teachers that likes to hang out and watch dudes in the shower?
Dammit, boys, you have pushed me to the limit! You're not getting out of it this time! I'm gonna tear your - [the fire alarm begins to go off] That's the fire alarm! Now hurry up and get out of here!
Dude, we have been saved by the power supreme.
Yeah, fire drills rule.
Are you deaf? That's the fire alarm! Get the hell out of here now!
Uhhh... We're just gonna like, get dressed first.
We'll be right out. See you later.
That is a FIRE ALARM! That means the school may be burning down! Now if you don't get the hell out of here, I'm gonna personally grab you by the grundies AND DRAG YOU OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY! SO GET THE HELL OUT! NOW!
[Next to the entrance]
Uhhh... uhhh...
Get out there before I drag you out!
[Beavis and Butt-Head get outside]
Hey, look, it's Beavis and Butt-head!
[every student outside starts to laugh at Beavis and Butt-head in their undies. Inside, Principal McVicker is seen holding down the fire alarm switch]
Uhhh... Good job!
Too bad! Another minute and they might have been naked! [starts to laugh too. McVicker laughs as well]
Yeah. Look at them.
You do know what a dog like this eats?
Uhh.. garbage.
What do you do if your dog accendently goes to the bathroom in your house.
(Fending off the dog in the backround) Rub his nose in it.
Uhh I'd kick his ass.
Rub his nose in it, then kick his ass.
We'll be right back with more of the life cycle of the dung beetle right after this.
Huh, huh, huh. Dung.
Yeah. Dung.
It's cold in here.
Hey, Butt-head, that dog just talked.
He did not, dumbass.
Won't you please take me into your nice, warm home?
See, his lips aren't moving.
Oh, yeah.
He's, like, communicating tele-pathetically.
Oh, yeah.
Every year, we kill thousands of dogs like the ones you see here, just because they weren't adopted in time. We don't like to do it, but we have to. It's the law.
Whoa.
Adopt a dog now, before it's too late.
Hey, Beavis, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yeah. Those dung beetles are pretty cool.
Dumbass.
Our dog's gonna be cool. We'll have to, like, teach him to do cool tricks and stuff.
Yeah. Sit, boy. Sit. Sit. Sit or I'll kick your ass. Yeah.
That's not a cool trick. A cool trick is, like, to teach him to, like, bite stuff.
Yeah, yeah. Bite, bite, bite. Bite everything. Yeah.
We're gonna teach him to, like, bite stuff that sucks.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
This is gonna be cool.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
