Socko's great.
Uh,huh,huh,huh... Socko has a hand up his butt.
Heh,heh,heh,heh, yeah,heh,heh,heh.
S5 E7Walkathon
S5 E8Temporary Insanity
Butt-head [whilst sat on the photocopier]: Would you like a copy of my butt?
S5 E10Walking Erect
Do have any big dogs?
ZZookeeper
Wild animals only.
Uh, do have any woodpeckers? Huh huh huh. Woodpeckers.
S5 E11Career Day
Did you pay for that, ma'am?
Yes.
May I see your receipt, please?
Yeah. Heh heh. May I see your slit?
[insulted] Excuse me?
Uhh... could we like rescue?
I don't think so!
[The security guard arrives at the scene]
SGSecurity guard
What are you doing with your jobs? Let me handle this! [to customer] Did you purchase that, ma'am?
Yes, I did!
SGSecurity guard
[embarrassed with shame] I apologize, ma'am for misunderstanding. It was just a cavity search. [laughs nervously]
Yeah yeah yeah. Heh heh heh.
[Furiously, the shopper slapped the security guard in the face]
Ugh! White trash, lousy officer, piece of... [sighs in disgust and walks away]
[The security guard began to laugh stupidly as Beavis and Butt-head laughs with him]
Security is cool.
S5 E12Plastic Surgin'
Hey, we could do that so that we could get bigger thingies.
[looks down his shirt] Mine are big enough already. Heh, it's not worth the risk.
Not bigger boobs, dumbass, like we could get bigger wieners.
We're gonna need bigger hands.
S5 E14Beaverly Buttbillies
Hey, Beavis. We're in a hole.
Oh, yeah. Hole. [Beavis hits a pipe with his shovel] Hey, Butt-head! Butt-head! I just like, felt something.
[thinking he meant a boner] Uh...okay.
Oh, yeah. Wait, no, no. I mean, I felt something, like, with my shovel. Come here, check it out. [He bangs on the pipe with his shovel, and makes a hole in it. Sewage starts coming out] It's oil! It's oil, Butt-head! We've struck oil! It's oil!
Cool! A bubbling crude.
Yeah. Oil, that is.
Black gold.
Texas tea.
[smelling it] Ugh! Oil smells like turds.
Yeah. I bet that's why it's so expensive.
S5 E15Tainted Meat
Dammit Beavis, put that away. You're not supposed to have your penis out while you're cooking.
Oh...oh yeah. [angry customer drives away]
Err, can I take your order?
Uhh...what seems to be the problem there, Beavis?
My thingie itches. It's like the wrong color or something...check it out.
Uhh...no thanks, Beavis.
(continuing to scratch his pubic area) Ow, rrr, ehh! Ahh!
TRTV Reporter
An outbreak of tainted meat has struck the local Burger World, and once again raised the question of how meat should be handled.
Huhuhuh...ask the expert.
Shut up, Butt-head! (continues scratching)
TRTV Reporter
Pending a health inspection, Burger World will remain closed.
This sucks!
Yeah! We lost our jobs!
No! My weiner still itches!
Face it Beavis, you have a problem with your penis. Maybe you should wash it or something.
Yeah, I'll just...wait, with water? No way, then it'll get all wet.
Life is hard, Beavis.
S5 E16Stewart Moves Away
Stewart's dad's dirty magazines.
We've torn out all the pages with butts on them, but there's still plenty of good boobs left.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.