TVTV voiceover
You're watching PBS.
He said "BS".
But first he said "P".
[Both look in amazement at the documentary, and the lightning outside]
S5 E21Lightning Strikes
Get the kite, Beavis.
TVT.V. voiceover
You're watching PBS.
He said "B.S."
But first he said "pee."
S5 E22Dream On
[Beavis dreams that he's on Kung Fu]
But master, does not the fire needs water too? Does not the mountain needs the storm? Does not your scrotum needs kicking?
[Butt-head dreams that he's on Star Trek: The Next Generation]
Number 1, I order you to take a Number Two.
Aye-aye, Captain.
[Butt-head dreams he's on The Oprah Winfrey Show, surrounded by women, with the headline "Butt-head: Sleeps With Chicks"]
OOprah
Butt-head, you've slept with over 5,000 women. How do you explain the attraction to you?
Uh...just look at me!
[Butt-head dreams that he is on the Brady Bunch, his face is in a square alongside the three girls]
[chorus] Here's the story of a guy named Butt-head, who was horny for three very lovely girls...
[Beavis' face in a square pops up]
[chorus] Then along came a guy named Beavis, he was horny too.
S5 E23Candy Sale
All right, losers: remember, you're competing against other classess, and I'll be damned if my class is gonna lose!
CMr. Candy
They're a real bargain at only $2 each. Heck, they practically sell themselves! Now, what if I told you that the richest man...
[mockingly] Blah blah blah blah blaaah bluhhh-ehhh!
[in imitation] Blaaaah-blaaaah, heck, they practically sell themselves, ehhhh!
CMr. Candy
Well, you two seem to be real know-it-alls. Why don't you tell us what you're gonna say when a customer says "no"?
Uhhhh, I'd say, "blah blah blah blah blah-leuuuh-luh!"
[in imitation again] Blah blah blah blah, what do you say when a customer says no? You seem to know it all! Blah blah blah-blah-blah-blah!
Our school's making us sell candy.
Yeah, we're losers!
What in the hell kind of sales approach is that?! You boys couldn't sell a dollar for 50 cents.
He wants what's in your pocket.
He's a pocket fisherman.
CMr. Candy
Oh no, you're not gonna pull that on me again! It took me six months to get another job. [Grabs Beavis] Now give me the rest of the money, you little twerp!
Ahhh! He's trying to touch my wiener! Let go, pervert!
Kick him in the nads, Beavis!
Mr. Candy [Grabs Butt-head as well]: You too, you little farter!
[Buzzcut comes in]
What in the hell are you doing?! This is my class, I do the ass-kicking around here!
CMr. Candy
Wait your turn, Jarhead! [slaps him, Buzzcut's face turns red, and becomes furious]
You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candyass! I hope you're familiar with some hand to hand combat techniques!
CMr. Candy
Oh, you're going down, soldier boy! [tries to hit him, but Buzzcut brutally kicks him in the head]
Kick 'em, kick 'em!
Kick 'em in the butt.
Kick 'em in the nads!
S5 E24Animation Sucks
Hey let's like, draw more people getting killed. That way we can make a total massacre.
Yeah, MASSACRE! MASSACRE!
So like, in animation you have to draw tons of dead people just to end up with two dead people?!
Animation sucks!
S5 E26The History Of Women
OK, let's see, who hasn't gone yet? Beavis! Are you ready to inspire us with your report?
[awakens Beavis by slapping him] You're next, dillhole!
Come on, Beavis! Stand up and tell us about the woman you admire the most!
Um... oh yeah... OK.
Go ahead! Reveal to us the identity of this profoundly influential female!
Oh yeah! Um, uh... oh yeah. My mom!
You wuss.
Butt-head, I hope your report is a little more wider in scope than Beavis's.
The woman I admire most, is... uh... Beavis's mom.
S5 E29Pregnant Pause
WIWoman in store
[to her pregnant friend] Girl, I can't believe you went and got yourself pregnant.
You can get yourself pregnant?! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! [takes pregnancy test from woman] Gimme one of those!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.