Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

  Hey, if we gotta cut off all the branches, let's just cut it right down here.  [points at the tree trunk]

Beavis

  Yeah.  Then we get 'em all at once.  You're pretty smart, Butt-head.

Butt-head

  Yeah.  Maybe he'll pay us extra.

Beavis

  Yeah, that would be cool.

Butt-head

  [uses chainsaw to cut down the tree, which falls on the house, the impact of which sends Tom Anderson to the ground; the tree pulls down telephone poles which smash into various cars and Tom Anderson's fence]  Whoa!  That was cool!  Huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh.

Beavis

  Yeah.  This chainsaw kicks ass!  Pruning is cool!

Butt-head

  Yeah!  Let's go prune some power lines!

Beavis

Yes! Order it, dude!

Butt-Head

We can't. Huh huh. They locked us out after Steven Seagal Month.

Beavis

That sucks!

STEWART'S HOUSE!!!

(on Billy Bob's scooter doing a wheelie) DONUTTTTTT!

(Catches the boys and is furious) THEY DIE!!!!!

[in unison] Diarrhea, cha cha cha! Diarrhea, cha cha cha!

Daria

Get a life.

  [in unison]  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!

Daria

  Get a life.

  How old are you fellas?

Butt-head

  Fifteen.

Beavis

  Yeah, heh-heh.

Butt-head

  Uh…[in a deeper voice] uh, I mean, twenty-seven?

Beavis

  You bagged a jumbo jet.

Butt-head

  Do I get to keep it?

Butt-head

  [reads instructions on door] In case of... uhh... pull... hand-le... [strains as he pulls the emergency handle on a door at the front of the jet, then gives up] Uuuhh...! that's hard!

Beavis

  Hey Butt-Head, pull my finger. Heh-heh-m.

Butt-head

  No way, huh-huh. Pull my leg. [They both leave the area]

Beavis

Hea hea, I barfed on the dog.

Butt-Head

Huh huh, I barfed on you.

Butt-head

  Hey, Mr. Anderson, are you gonna die pretty soon?

Beavis

  Yeah, and leave all your money to someone?

Butt-head

  That would be cool.

  [stuffing store items into Butt-head's then Beavis's clothes]  Now, listen, you just keep quiet and play dumb.

Beavis

  What does that mean?

Beavis

  Hey, Butt-head, I still got my condominium.  What do I do with it?

  [in unison]  Saturday night!!

Butt-head

Uh...Hey Beavis. I got an idea.

Beavis

Yeah, me too! Let's go over to Stewart's house and burn something. [holds up a lighter]

Butt-head

No, dumbass. Let's become one of those 'stand-up chameleons' and get a bunch of money.