POPhone operator
Injury hotline
Uh, I've been injured.
POPhone operator
You have?
Yeah, I've got a big crack in my butt.
“Lawn & Garden” · Season 2, Episode 16
In this episode: Smart Butt-head (10), Smart Beavis (6), Mr. Anderson (5)
We're gonna have to charge you extra.
(Beavis and Butt-Head are playing court in an open field next to the street, using a grasshopper as the defendant)
Huh,huh, this court is now in session.
I know you've sworn sir, and I've read your complaint. Heh,heh.
(Butt-Head punches Beavis in the face)
It's my turn to be the judge asswipe! Huh,huh,huh,..This court is now in session. Iknow you've sworn sir, and I've read your complaint. How does you hold against the charges of......
Trespassing! Heh,heh,heh.
Yeah, and buzzing around and getting in my face and stuff. Huh,huh,huh, has the jury reached the verdict?
The defence rests.
Yeah huh,huh,huh, shut up! I herby sentence the defendant to death by ........ uh..death by... huh,huh,huh, sawing off his twiener! Huh,huh,huh,huh,huh.
(Beavis whips out Mr. Anderson's chainsaw and mutilates the grasshopper; also chopping off Butt-Head's index finger which bleeds continuously)
BBBeavis and Butt-Head
(singing Judas Priest Breaking the Law) BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAAAAWWWWWW; BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!
(index finger is still bleeding) Huh, huh, huh.... cool.
What are ya'll doin'? Chokin' your chicken? Come on let's get to prunin'.
[To the police after Beavis and Butt-Head stole his lawnmower] One of them calls himself Butthole, and the other one's name is Joe I think.
CCop
And, what did these boys look like?
I believe they were Oriental.
Now, I want you boys to prune both of these trees up front here and I, uh… Hey, you boys look familiar. Aren't you the ones that ran off with my riding mower last week?
Uh…no.
You the ones that painted my cat's butt?
No.
Well, the cops'll get 'em. Luckily, I've got homeowner's insurance.
I'll be back in a while to see how you're doing. Remember, it ain't what you cut, it's what you don't cut. [walks away]
What a dork.
Boy, oh, boy. What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with those little bastards that took my mower.
Hey, Butt-head, do you think a man will ever land on Uranus?
Maybe on your anus.
What are we supposed to do, again?
Uh…I forgot. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Oh, yeah, I think we're supposed to, like, cut off the branches.
All of them?
Yeah, I guess.
Cool!
Hey, if we gotta cut off all the branches, let's just cut it right down here. [points at the tree trunk]
Yeah. Then we get 'em all at once. You're pretty smart, Butt-head.
Yeah. Maybe he'll pay us extra.
Yeah, that would be cool.
[uses chainsaw to cut down the tree, which falls on the house, the impact of which sends Tom Anderson to the ground; the tree pulls down telephone poles which smash into various cars and Tom Anderson's fence] Whoa! That was cool! Huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh.
Yeah. This chainsaw kicks ass! Pruning is cool!
Yeah! Let's go prune some power lines!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.