Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

You ever wonder why so much stuff sucks? Sometimes I look at one of these little straws, and I go, 'This sucks'.

Butt-head

Huh huh, this is cool.

Beavis

One thing about gym class....it sucks. Okay, now I'm gonna like...juggle.

Butt-head

Go for it, Beavis!

Beavis

This is gonna be cool. [holds up a newspaper and lights it on fire]fire! fire!

Beavis

  Cool.  The battery's leaking acid.

Butt-head

  That's not cool, dude.  A new battery will cost two bucks at least.

Butt-head

  Whoa.  Maybe we should, uh…"dry it off" now.

Beavis

  No way.

Butt-head

  I mean dry it off by driving it.  The keys are in the car, dude.

Butt-head

[fake accent] He was aiming at us. Huh huh.

Beavis

[fake accent] He didn't fire. Fire Fire Fire! Heh heh heh. Fire! Huh heh heh. Yeah.

...On your tests.

Beavis

...oh. [zips back up]

Where's your container?

Beavis

I was supposed to use a container?

You kids are going to pay for those.

Butt-head

No problem dude, you want cash or should we go spank the monkey again.

Beavis

Yeah.

Mr. Stevenson

What the hell!? These are the boy geniuses you're talking about!? What's so funny you little twerps!? I'LL SPANK YOUR MONKEYS!!!

Butt-head

Huh huh huh. Maybe we should go buy something.

Beavis

Yeah. Heh heh heh. Like what? Heh heh heh.

Good evening and welcome to America's Most Hated. What you're about to see is a crime so heinous, so replusive, so actual, it may shake your very faith in human nature.

You don't want me to appoint you an attorney, a lawyer who can take your case?

Butt-head

I can handle it, dude. I've like, seen The People's Court.

You'll need someone who knows the laws, who's familiar with the penal system and--

Beavis

[Laughing with Butt-head] She said penal.

If my arm weren't so sore from my new tattoo, I'd smear both your asses all over the parking lot.

Beavis

Whoa, heh heh, cool.

Give me those nachos and those fruity whips and I might not shove these handle bars up your butt.

Butt-head

Err, Okay.

Butt-head

  One family pack of chicken nuggets.

Beavis

  One large cola.

Butt-head

  Would you like fries with that?

Beavis

  Yeah, yeah I will.

Beavis

Butt tattoos kick ass!

Butt-head

And ass tattoos kick butt.

Beavis

Voices are cool. I hear voices too. They tell me to do stuff like stay home from school, and watch TV, and, like, break stuff, and like...

Butt-head

Whoa. Preach on, brother Beavis.

[while discussing about Jurassic Park] ..and then he attacked the dude in his own car.

Beavis

The dinosaur had a car?

Butt-head

How else you think he's got there, dumbass? On a bike?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Beavis

It's a tribute to the people who died in the Vietnam War.

[outraged] My uncle was killed in the war!