A character in Beavis and Butt-Head
Played by Mike Judge
Beavis and Butt-Head · 2,204 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Beavis and Butt-Head: in 1,862 of its 2,204 quotes
Most scenes with: Smart Butt-head (1,714), Butthead (21), Coach Buzzcut (15)
That's the biggest, fattest, hairiest, wart-coveredest butt I ever saw.
BeavisYeah. His is pretty ugly, too.
[Butt-head takes a picture of the butt. He and Beavis are soon scared when the owner of the butt shows her face.]
You boys think you got a problem with my butt?! I'm gonna kick your butts all over this drive-in!
[Later on at an empty drive-in, Beavis and Butt-head are seen hanging upside down on the drive-in sign with no pants. The sign reads: Hello, look at our Butts!]
Help! Help. This sucks!
BeavisYeah
[the boys are hanging upsidedown from the drive-in sign with no pants]
Your butt's weird-looking.
BeavisShut up.
Huh-huh-huh. Kinda looks like, huh-huh, baloney. Huh-huh-huh.
BeavisShut up, dude.
With pimples on it. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
BeavisHey, Butthead, why are you so interested in my butt?
Uh…have you heard that new GWAR album?
Excuse me are your milkshakes made from real milk and ice cream, or do you use that reconsitited shake mix stuff.
BeavisYa
What do you mean ya? Ya, you use the shake mix? Or ya, you use the real stuff?
BeavisYa
Let me talk to the manager.
BeavisYa
Uhh I'm an assistant manager, is there something I can help you with?
Yes, I'm trying to ask a simple question. Are your shakes made with shake mix, or ice cream and milk?
Uhh, we have chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.
Here, toadie, toadie.
Now, you'll only be painting the trim, and if I see so much as a drop of paint anywhere's else, you'll clean it up and it'll come out of your pay. I don't want to see a whole lot of brush strokes and bubbles, neither. You know, back when I'as in the service, they'd throw a fella in the brig for messing up the paint job. Now, I'll be back in a while to see how you're doing. [leaves]
This sucks.
BeavisYeah.
[singing] Breaking the law, breaking the law!
BeavisM-80s?
Firecrackers?
[Mexican woman shrugs]
BeavisFireworks?
[Mexican woman shrugs]
These people are stupid.
Bueno. Recuerdan por favor, clase, siempre contestan en Español. Bueno? [he walks to the back of the room with a sign that says Juan es Alto] Senor Butt-head, ¿Como es Juan?
Uh, burritos.
No no no, ¿Como es Juan? ¿Como es Juan?
Uh, guacamole.
No, no. ¿Senor Beavis, Como es Juan?
BeavisUm, spaghetti.
Heh heh. Spaghetti?
Spaghetti? That's Italian, you moron! Dammit! You idiots have been in this class for almost a whole school year, and the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Taco Bell!! ..And Beavis can't even get that right! I'm gonna give you little bastards just ten seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish, and if you can't, you're both going to the principal's office and you're both flunking. [pause] Well, I'm waiting.
Uuuuh.. [mocks Spanish accent] rendo-pordo-curdoh-nut-a-ben-yubarduhvuh Rico Suave. Huh-huh.
[The class are heard laughing.]
Principal's office, now!
Beavis[Gears are turning in his head] Uh, Taco Supreme.
[The class continues laughing.]
Get out! Now!
[Butt-Head is holding a pencil over his crotch depicting an erected penis. He and Beavis are laughing at it. Butt-Head then holds the pencil over his desk and drops it. It hits the desk with the eraser end, causing it to bounce off of the desk. It flies through the air and into Beavis's left eye and Beavis bleeds from his eye, screaming.]
Beavis[screaming] AAAAGH!! OWW!!!!!!
Whoa, that was cool, it really does happen.
[Beavis pulls the pencil out of his eye socket and chuckles]
Soooo, Beavis and Butthead. I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys, yeah a little probation. You see, class, Beavis and Butthead here, are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh, they'll be expelled and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents! Ha ha ha!
[class giggles, except for Beavis and Butthead who struggle to hold their laughter]
Well I was real glad to hear that because this is Sex Education week. That's right, Sex Ed week! [Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter] We're gonna be talking about the PENIS! We'll be talking about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butthead?! Do you find it amusing that we'll be talking about the testicles?! [Butt-head strans to hold in his laughter] Yes we're also gonna be talking about Venereal Disease. Sexual intercourse! The Scrotum. The Clitoris. And...And we will definitely be spending a LOT of time talking about MASTURBATION! [class giggles; Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter] Well, now that's out of the way, let's take roll. Butkis!
Here. Ha ha ha.
Gaylord! Hymen!
[school bell rings and Beavis and Butt-head dart out of the doors, rapidly laughing]
Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh, huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh...
BeavisHeh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh, heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh...
Note: This is the DVD cut version which was edited to be exactly 6 minutes. In the original version, Buzzcut also says that they will be talking about the "scrotum" and "clitoris," but does not take roll of the names with obvious vulgar connotations. Also, a scene at the end in which Beavis and Butt-head say "They said penis...they said masturbation...they said vagina...that was cool" is not present.
Huh,huh, this court is now in session.
BeavisI know you've sworn sir, and I've read your complaint. Heh,heh.
(Butt-Head punches Beavis in the face)
It's my turn to be the judge asswipe! Huh,huh,huh,..This court is now in session. Iknow you've sworn sir, and I've read your complaint. How does you hold against the charges of......
BeavisTrespassing! Heh,heh,heh.
Yeah, and buzzing around and getting in my face and stuff. Huh,huh,huh, has the jury reached the verdict?
BeavisThe defence rests.
Yeah huh,huh,huh, shut up! I herby sentence the defendant to death by ........ uh..death by... huh,huh,huh, sawing off his twiener! Huh,huh,huh,huh,huh.
Beavis(Beavis whips out Mr. Anderson's chainsaw and mutilates the grasshopper; also chopping off Butt-Head's index finger which bleeds continuously)
(singing Judas Priest Breaking the Law) BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAAAAWWWWWW; BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!
(index finger is still bleeding) Huh, huh, huh.... cool.
BeavisHey, Butt-head, do you think a man will ever land on Uranus?
Maybe on your anus.
BeavisWhat are we supposed to do, again?
Uh…I forgot. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Oh, yeah, I think we're supposed to, like, cut off the branches.
BeavisAll of them?
Yeah, I guess.
BeavisCool!
Smart Butt-headMike Judge · 1,945 quotes
VDMr. Van Driessen26 quotes
BButthead25 quotes
Coach BuzzcutMike Judge · 24 quotes
David Van DriessenMike Judge · 16 quotes
TITodd IanuzziRottilio Michieli · 15 quotes
Principal McVickerMike Judge · 14 quotes
Tom AndersonMike Judge · 14 quotes
SSStewart StevensonAdam Welsh · 13 quotes
Mr. AndersonMike Judge · 10 quotes
Daria MorgendorfferTracy Grandstaff · 8 quotes
CCornholio6 quotes
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